Diary of Anxiety

This isn't usually the type of post that I would write, but I'm hoping it will still be beneficial. There are so many people out there that don't understand anxiety and it's true to say, it will never be completely understood unless you have experienced it yourself. I hope that for the sufferers of the condition; you will be able to relate to this somehow and for others, I'm hoping you understand how hard it can be for some people. This is in no way intended to be a negative post, but more of a realisation.

The diary of anxiety:


Different aspects of your life will be affected depending on what type of anxiety you have and how severe it is. For those who suffer with severe anxiety, life can be a living hell. It is with you 24/7. 

Sometimes it will be present in your sleep. Your body will be preparing for the day ahead with the flight or fight response. This means one of two things; either interrupted sleep, or feeling tired when waking up. From the moment you wake, anxiety takes action with adrenaline rushing through your veins. You wake up everyday feeling ill because your body has heightened anxiety due to the daily tasks you have to complete, such as going to school or catching public transport. 
You've put up with this anxiety for a long time now and it's tiring. You feel ill when you wake, so you don't feel like doing much. You don't feel like putting makeup on or putting more effort into the way you dress. You can only eat little, because your anxiety is just too bad and you're always tired. You just want to stay in a safe place, where you can be calm for a while. For many people; this is home. 
Your anxiety is so crippling and disabling that it stops you from doing anything that you love. You get heightened anxiety any time you try to attempt to do something, which often ends in a panic attack or avoidance. As a result, you end up staying at home; again. 
Everything in your life is constant battle with your brain. You struggle and often avoid school, public transport, driving lessons, getting a job, joining a club and speaking in front of class. 
You try with every inch of your body and all of your might, to complete a simple task as to catch a bus, but it often results in hours of emotional and physical pain and angst about the thought. 
You're always told not to compare yourself to others, but sometimes you can't help but notice the people around you. When you see other people your age with jobs, going to school without a second thought and driving, you can't help but feel a little bit hopeless.
It's all well and good saying that you are in control of your destiny, but when it seems you have a great brick wall in front of your every step, your legs are heavy and you feel like you're wading through thick mud, it's extremely hard to believe. 
But then you wake up one morning feeling okay, this is a very rare occasion but you're feeling good. You manage to overcome some of your fears and at the end of the day you feel ecstatic. You know that this is a taste of what life should be and could be like. You feel as if you've crawled out of this deep dark hole and seen the light. You know recovery isn't going to be easy, but it's the good days you've got to hold on to. You know that even if the crippling anxiety comes back the next day, you've experienced some sort of relief.

I really, really hope this has given people a better understanding of the struggle sufferers of the condition have to go through. Again, this is not intended to be a negative or pitiful post, but one that I hope you can relate to.


I wish you all best and don't forget you can contact me through any of the social networks.

Amy xx 


Recovery

Recovery: 'return to normal state: the return of something to a normal or improved state after a setback or loss.'

Recovery begins from the day you feel you are suffering. The day you take action and control of your situation is the day you go on the road to recovery.

A first thing to note about recovery is that it takes time. Recovery can take weeks, months or even years. For me, it's taken over a year so far and I'm still going strong! Don't rush your recovery as your body knows what's right for you.
One day you may wake up and feel like you have the ability to tackle the thing you've always been scared of. It will happen. Other tasks may take a while to accomplish. Secondly, anxiety is based upon repetition. With anxiety, your body feels there is a danger whenever you try certain tasks such as going to school, catching a bus etc. Tackling the thing you fear, can take a while, but don't fret as It does get better -  just think of my recovery process! At first I couldn't leave the house and now I am slowly getting back into school - which is my biggest anxiety trigger. I've got a while to go yet, but you must take it slowly.

I wish I could tell you recovery is easy, but there will be bumps in the road. I wish the same as you, that I could do what I wanted when I wanted. However my anxiety tends to get in the way.
Recovery wont always be smooth. Many people use the term good days and bad days. One day you'll be able to tackle many things, such as catching a bus and you may be able to sustain these days for a while. However, the next day you may suddenly feel you can't tackle the task you were able to yesterday. This is completely normal. For me, today is a bad day. But, I am not deterred. I know that not everyday will be good, but you must think of everything you have achieved so far.

A positive thing about recovery, is knowing that you're becoming a stronger and better person. The things you tackle which seem big to you, such as catching a bus make you feel amazing after you've accomplished them. You get such a buzz from doing something you fear.

Just remember, recovery takes time and is different for everyone. Don't rush recovery and be proud of the things you accomplish day by day. I can't promise you that it will be easy; there will be great days and then some setbacks. But you must keep going and do not give up. You will get there eventually. Remember, I'm going through recovery too!



I wish you all the best and remember you've got this. People have been through this before and managed to get back to full health. You're not alone.


Amy xx