I have control

I always have the need to be in control and this just one of the ways I help to combat my anxiety. I find that if I am in control, the lesser of a chance that unexpected things will happen to me and the more likely I will be able to know what will happen in the future. For example, I often have to plan out what I am doing in the day, or write endless amounts of lists about everything in order to know where I'm at in my head. Although I don't mind being spontaneous, and I will go out with friends at the drop of a hat or go on a road trip, I find things that aren't planned, a struggle. For example, I am a massive organiser and I like to know who's, when's and where's of an event. If I don't get replies straight away I become sightly anxious as it means I don't have a complete picture of what is happening in the future and I find that really difficult to cope with. I've always been like this and I'm not too sure why it's such a big issue, but all I know is that I feel a lot more comfortable if I do have things planned. Similarly, I have endless lists. I have to do lists, shopping lists, work lists, bucket lists, goals and so on. *The list could go on*. 

Although this process does help, I find it very tiring. Having to write everything down and plan everything can be difficult. I get frustrated that I feel so anxious and uncomfortable when I don't plan or write lists and sometimes I just wish that I didn't have to write things down all the time, like other people I have spoken to. But, it is part of me and it is something I need to improve, but for the time being, it works for me. 

Amy xx