My mind is playing tricks

The other day I thought I had somewhat of an epiphany - that perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me and I could snap out of this mental illness that I deal with. That it's all in my head and I just have to think in a different way. I thought to myself, perhaps I should think I'm not suicidal and I won't be anymore. But, yet again this is just another way your mind tries to play with you. Although I think that thinking in different ways can help and allow to reach different perspectives, I am still aware that mental illness is real problem, usually promoted by a chemical imbalance and this is very real. I wish it was as easy as just thinking you're okay and that being the solution, but I think it's a lot harder than it. It takes a huge amount of effort to overcome the doubts in your mind, no matter what people tell you. It's just not that easy and sometimes I feel the brain likes you to believe that it is and you really can just come out of it. But, if this was the case then I wouldn't be dealing with these problems right now. It's hard because I feel that everyday is a battle against your own mind even though it is the one thing you need to keep you in control for that 24 hours. You're constantly doubting yourself, or feeling that there's a black cloud hanging over you and that's a challenge to keep going in itself, alongside the thought that what you're going through might not be real. Don't get me wrong sometimes thinking differently, for me personally, can help. I do feel that I can get myself into a rut where I am thinking negatively alongside my depression rather than it necessarily being a side effect. And in that case if I notice it, I release the pressure a bit. But, a lot of the time mental illness is life-changing and debilitating and it's not just a matter of changing your mind set. It's sometimes just too beyond yourself to be able to even do that. I know with anxiety, I couldn't even walk sometimes and there's nothing that I tried, that worked with that. 

Mental illness is very real and even when our mind plays tricks, it does affect u and you've got to be strong to battle your own mind everyday, but I know it's possible and I know the strength needed to get through - we all have it. 

Best Wishes,
Amy Xx