What is it like to be normal?

The other day I was sat on my bed, going through a really depressive episode and I was just thinking to myself, why can't I be normal? Why can't I just float through life? Of course there is the age old question of what is normality? But what I mean is, why can't I just accept things the way they are. To not have anxiety and depression, to not think about death, to not over analyse everything, to laugh more, to not think so philosophically every single day, to just be young and free like I should be and to not be dissocated from my own person. 

I feel that a lot of my friends, perhaps don't think like I do and although comparison is a killer, I just can't help but notice how nice it would be just to go through life more lightly. But, maybe this is just me. From a very young age I have thought things that my peers didn't and I spoke to adults because I found it more interesting and as years went by I started to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety and it's true to say that people who tend to think this way, are more likely to experience these kind of symptoms. Although I feel being this way enriches my life to an extent and has created life for me that perhaps I would never have achieved otherwise, I can't help but get tired the fact that I just cannot switch my brain off, or just do something withough aching. But at the end of the day, I'm not sure I'll ever know what its like just to float through life without few cares, and perhaps I can use this to my advantage. Because, unless I find a way of changing the way I think, which may be possible, this is who i am and this is who we are. And it's something that I'm going to continue work with, because otherwise it will just be another pressure to add to myself.

Everyone is different and no one is really normal, so everyone sees things differently, and they all have demons of their own, just perhaps you can't see them. It's about learning to work with yourself, and to understand that you are your own person and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Heck, it might take more time to feel better and work on yourself and it might be a difficult uphill struggle and be tiring but, this is who you've got to deal with for the rest of yourself, and in a way, that makes it special, because no one else works the way you do. 

Best Wishes,
Amy Xx