Not so new job!

If you've been following me on twitter, you'll know that I have had my my first paid job! I had been

working there for a good few months and I didn't think I would ever get there. Having a paid job was the last goal on my hierarchy because I was just so petrified of the whole notion. But, the way it worked out, one step after another meant to me that I just had to do it. It was my final step for me, so I thought I had to go for it. But I was petrified and I cried at least three times before even getting to the trial shift and even after the first phone call.

But I thought I had come far to even get the trial shift that I might as well continue. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be because I learnt that people don't expect you to be perfect and get everything right the first time round.

Form my first shift itself, I was strangely more excited than nervous. I'll be honest that I was a little rusty as I had to take in a lot of information and for the whole 6 hours, I was on edge, but I made it. Before I got the job I kept getting into a panic about the thought of it and I kept saying that I couldn't do it and I just felt myself full of dread and anxiety and this was the way it was for first month of work.

I'll be honest that the whole notion of a job was so overwhelming that it pushed me to the edge. In the beginning I was doing way too many hours than which I could cope with and I got in such a serious and worrying mental state, that I knew I could either give up or do something about it, and do something about it is what I did. I don't know where the courage came from, but I phoned in sick and explained exactly why and what I struggled with and the necessity to reduce my hours, and as a result that is what happened. I appreciated the fact that I was taken seriously, as an adult and as a human being. My mental health is valid. 

As the months passed, it did get easier and I was brought back from the edge and gaining in confidence. The more I went, the more comfortable I became and the more I got used to it. However, there were many a time where I cried during work, before and after as well having some breakdowns and panic attacks. But, as this passed I picked myself up and tried again. I now understand even more, that the things you think you cannot get through, you can. 

Ultimately, it took one bit of courage to overcome the anxiety. But it was also something I had to give up because I couldn't cope with the stress of final year university and a job and that's okay. Even though I know I will still have anxiety getting my next job, I have gotten over the first hurdle which I never thought would be possible. 

I feel that this was the right time for me to get my first paid job and now, it doesn't matter to me so much what my other peers were doing in the past. I am on my own journey. 

It just takes that one bit of courage.

Best wishes,
Amy Xx