When I first started my blog back in 2013, I wrote a blog post about my mental health journey, which you can read, here. 4 years on and I feel have a different overview and new perspective on my journey and can perhaps add details that I once may have missed...
I have always been a shy child for as long as I can remember. I never wanted to answer questions in class or ever be on stage. I didn't have problems with making friends though. I hated going to clubs, even if I really enjoyed the activity as well as being told off, so I did everything to avoid it - I guess this was all about a fear of failure, even though my parents never brought me up in such a way.
Now I look back, my mental health problems began when I was around 8 years old, when a really nasty family break-up and extension of such, turned my world upside down. Looking back, my way of controlling the situation even though I was only 8, was through performing rituals every morning and throughout school. I would be in an absolute state if I didn't perform these rituals. I used to have my Mum write notes to me, promising me that everything would be okay, and if she didn't I couldn't walk out of the door. As years went on, I began to slowly manage these impulses to make them less severe, but nevertheless were a part of my school life until I finished my A-levels.
It was 2012 and GCSE year came around and this is where everything began to flare up again. As a very studious person, GCSEs at that time were my whole life and I would study at every opportunity I had. I thought if I even dropped a single grade or mark, it would be the end of the world, which I know now is not the case. But the pressure I put on myself made me have very small breakdowns and at one point, led to me trying to commit suicide. Needless to say I got through my GCSEs and that Summer was one of the best, but also when I noticed more issues with my mental health. I began to feel sick on a regular basis. In fact, every day at the end of year 11 I began to feel extremely sick every time I was in a school classroom or somewhere in which I was in a closed space. Throughout the Summer this became worse and I started to take paracetamol as somewhat of a safety blanket, even though I rationally knew that it wouldn't change anything. I began to become more anxious too and this was noticeable on results day when I had my second ever severe panic attack behind the one when I went around town to apply for jobs. I had a real fear of being ill in front of other people, which I still have to a degree today.
The first year of A-levels commenced in 2013 and I was still feeling sick everyday. I started to think something was physically wrong with me. I just thought it was a prolonged virus. I was so on edge and ready to leave a room within a few seconds. I actually remember one incident vividly; we were being read the hungry caterpillar story as a metaphor of how our two years of A-levels was hopefully going to plan out, and the feeling of sickness was so intense.
Everything eventually built up to one day when I was walking to school as usual, but instead this time I stopped at the end of the road and I just couldn't put one foot forward. I went home and my parent phoned my school to say that I was off sick. I tried again the next day where I managed to get into school, but as soon as I got there I had a panic attack and left. As far as I remember, from that day forward I could no longer leave the house. As the weeks went by, I went to the doctors to have blood tests which came back normal, which meant it was all in my head. This was on one of the days, when I just managed to leave the house. There was no virus or illness - I was in the middle of a mental breakdown. As time went on I couldn't answer the phone or door either. I had to cancel my driving lessons, I couldn't attend school or see my friends. My bedroom was my whole life. I tried every day to get to school. My mum would park outside the school gates; that's if I managed to even get out of the house that day and I had a panic attack. every day. Over many months I lost a lot of weight and just lost the will to live. I had to teach myself my A-levels.
As can be imagined having anxiety that was that severe led to severe depression. My life was a prison and even though I tried with every bone in my body to walk out of the door and get better, I just mentally couldn't do it. People tried to physically force me out of the house and I resisted with all of my weight. I was shouted at and that didn't work either. It was time to realise that I really needed help. I had severe anxiety, depression, health anxiety and some OCD as told by my therapist. I needed help. On a daily basis, hand washing became a ritual as well as avoiding certain foods and drink, I often couldn't get out of bed, eat, leave the house, I often had periods of just losing control and just being utterly lost - it is the only was I can explain it.
I went to the doctors to ask for help and got advised to counselling services that didn't exist, and yet wasn't even told about the services on the NHS. After doing independent research, I was put on the waiting list for counselling, which was 7 months long. But, I needed immediate help to stay alive. At that point in time I was harming myself and having suicidal attempts fairly regularly and I couldn't go on. My Mum paid for private counselling sessions which were based around hypnotherapy. They helped somewhat but no where near enough. It just didn't click with me. Eventually I got counselling on the NHS to which I saw three different people due to the severity. The CBT I had was immensely helpful, in which my therapist didn't just talk to me in their office, but actually went out into the community with me and challenged me to do things that made me anxious. It worked on a hierarchy, with the tasks that made me least anxious which was getting on a bus, to getting a job. During this time, CBT wasn't enough so after trying everything including diet and exercise, I went to the doctors for medication to which I was prescribed beta blockers, which did next to nothing for me. With continuing self-harm, suicidal attempts and loss of control, my last resort was medication and then if needed, hospitalisation. I eventually got prescribed anti-depressants which I didn't want to take because of my ongoing severe health anxiety, meaning that I worried that taking them would make me ill alongside a phobia of germs, food and drink that I was dealing with too. It took my mum forcing me to take them, to start my medication journey. 4 years later and I am still taking them. It was 6 weeks later and something clicked. I felt happy for the first time in many years. Alongside my medication and CBT I began to tackle the things that really made me anxious and I began to do the things I loved once more; from going to school and driving lessons. I couldn't get to school every day, but more than nothing at all.
After a year or so, I was discharged from therapy, which was an amazing feeling. I went onto university in which I had a mental health mentor to continue my counselling. Now, after university I see the same counsellor privately.
Today, I am 22 years old, a first class honours Law graduate who has their dream career. I am driving and living independently in my flat. I still have my triggers and I still suffer with anxiety and depression, but nothing compared to what it used to be. I haven't written about every single thing in detail and I don't think the real severity can be understood unless one was there to experience it, nor do I feel it appropriate to go into every detail. Nervetheless, I hope this has given you an updated insight!
If anything, I wish this story gives you hope that even in the darkest times, you have the strength to get better. I wouldn't have believed it when I was is in it, but now I am on the other side I know it is possible.
Best Wishes,
For a while now I have heard that music can reduce the effects that anxiety has, especially through singing. For myself it has always been the sunshine on a dark day. If it's before an exam, I can listen to something empowering or if I'm sad I will perhaps listen to something classical. It's not just when I'm anxious or feeling down that I listen to music, but it is part of our every day lives, whether it's first thing in the morning making our coffee, or in the middle of a field having a BBQ, there is always the opportunity to listen to music and enjoy the moment just that little bit more.
Over the past few years I have always listened to my music through an old speaker that I got for Christmas one year. At the time it was revolutionary due to the bass and the sound that you could hear for long distances. However, as time has moved on I soon realised that it wasn't always the most practical way to listen to my music as it filled my dressing table, the sound wasn't as clear as it first was and it had been slowly detiortating.
But there is something that can be revolutionary to help me listen to the music I need during difficult times, which is when I was fortunate enough to receive a treVolo S bluetooth speaker. Putting it on charge for the first time was very straight forward and simple, and whilst it was charging I thought I would see how it worked. Now, for someone who has had what was known as one of the best speakers for music at the time and has given me a lot of relief during my hard times of mental health, I wasn't sure whether there was much out there that could beat it, but I was wrong. The first song I played through it was Florence & the Machine's new song, which if you have listened to it, you'll know how sharp and clear the recording should be...something which I hadn't experienced as of yet. Playing this song through the Trevolo speaker, I finally understood what the music should sound like. It is clear and crisp and this is still the case even when you increase the sound. My Mother was outstanded by the clarity even when she was watching TV. The speaker isn't big, but it still packs a punch. It's hard to see how something so small can produce such a clear and warm sound, but it can! I can certainly agree with their statement that it can produce the most balances and relaxed sounds. And the best bit of all, is that unlike my other speaker my music doesn't have to be resigned to my room - not only is it bluetooth but it's completely portable, so you can take it wherever you want and the sound would be just as clear as a bigger speaker, especially since it can last for up to 18 hours! There's always the concern that the smaller the speaker, the more tinny the sound becomes, but this is certainly not case. If you're not a fan of bluetooth, there is also the option of using a USB to connect your music.
The various settings, such as 3D sound also let's you have the choice as to what quality and type of music you want to listen to. The option of 3D sound is fantastic for movies and TV programmes as it becomes somewhat of a surround sound from something that takes up little to no space.
If you have been a reader for a long time, you know that I only write and share products and people that I believe have the capability of changing and improving people's lives. This product is one of them. Music is fabulous for anxiety, but it's even better when you can hear it in the best quality possible. If you want to learn more, you can do so, here.
Let me know what you think - What are best songs for overcoming anxiety?
For many, I know that spending time amongst nature can be a great help with anxiety. Below is a guest post from permaleaf, whom create and install amazing landscapes, plants and trees which are durable and always of highest quality no matter the weather. If this sounds like something you're interested in, then keep reading!
How To Choose The Most Amazing Outdoors Landscaping Options For Your Landscapes?
When installing an outdoors landscape in your home or office space, it is necessary that you choose the correct landscaping products. There are countless different brands in the market that sellvarioustypes of artificial landscaping products. However,when selecting artificialplants and trees for your landscape, you need to ensure that the products you choose have certainvital and essential functional benefits. Here’s what you need to take into considerationwhen choosinglandscaping products for your outdoors landscapes:
The Landscaping Products Should Be Affordable And Cost Effective
One thing you must take into consideration when choosing the perfect landscaping products for your outdoorsettingsis that the faux trees, outdoor plastic flowers andartificial patio plants must be affordably priced. Affordable pricing ofthe faux landscaping products makes installing these products easy on the pocket and prevents a situation where you overshoot your budget. Further, you also need to ensure that there are wholesale lots of faux plants, flowers andtrees available with the seller or manufacturer of the artificial landscaping products, as you will require wholesale lots for large sized projects.
The Landscaping Products Should Be Realistic And Lifelike
Manypeople are apprehensive about installing artificial landscaping products in their outdoor landscapes because these faux plants, trees, andflowers often look very unrealistic and like plastic. Such unreal looking plants and trees can be an eyesore. When selecting landscape products, you need to ensure that the ones that you choose are very realistic and lifelike. The artificial plants, trees, andflowers should resemble their real counterparts in an identical manner. The lush green leaves and vibrantly colored flowers of the landscaping products should be such that they can fool even the most trained eye.
Take Into Consideration The Weight Of The Faux Landscaping Products
Another thing to keep in mind when making a selection of artificial flower arrangements for outdoorslandscapes, faux trees andhigh-endartificialplants is that these faux landscaping products must be extremely lightweight. Unlike real plants the faux plants should not be very heavy and difficult to move around or transport.Heavyartificial plants and landscaping products only end up causing hassles for the installer and require laborers and landscaping artists to complete the job.
The Plants And Trees Must Be Sturdy, Long Lasting And Durable
Another thing to keep in mind when choosing faux landscaping products for your outdoorslandscapes is that the plants must be sturdy, long-lastingand durable. These products should be able to withstand rough handling and should also be ableto be placed in a wide range of harsh outdoors settings. The products must not be weak and should not get easily damaged in transport or installation. They should last for years and years on end without spoiling and without requiring frequent replacement.
The Artificial Landscaping Products Must Be Weather Proof
The faux landscaping trees, plants andflowers should be weatherproof. Considering that these landscaping products are going to be installedin outdoors settings, they will be exposedto harsh weather conditions and different kinds of climates. Special UV stabilizers and high-grade color pigments must be injected into the raw materials of the plants to ensure that these landscaping products do not fade or lose their color when exposed to the harsh rays of the sun intropical climates. Further, the trees and plants should be such that they can tolerate rainfall and snowfall without spoiling or deteriorating.
Quick And Easy Delivery
When selecting artificial landscaping products for your outdoorlandscape, you need to ensure that the seller of these items guarantees a quick and easy delivery. The delivery should be made right to your doorstep or to the place where you are installing the landscape. Purchasing faux plants and trees that need to be picked up and self-transportedonly will turn out to be a hassle for you. Not only will it create a situation where your time is wasted,butalso the transport will end up being a real hassle for you.
The Cleaning Process Must Be Uncomplicated
In many cases, the artificial landscaping products require special cleaning processes that only end up being a real waste of time. Specialchemicals and cleaning agents are requiredto keep the plants, trees andflowers looking fresh and new. Getting plants that need such cleaning chemicals and agents will only end up being a hassle for you and create a situation where the overall maintenance becomes very complex. Thus, it is essential that you choose faux landscaping products that require only a spray of water of a wet duster to keep them looking clean and fresh.
Professional Advice Must Be Available
When purchasing faux landscaping products, you need to ensure that the seller has a team of professional architects, landscaping artists and interior decorators who can give you proper advice on installing the landscape in your home or office space. These professionals should be able to provide you conceptual drawing and rendered images of the spacewhere you wish to install the plants and trees and must also be able to help you with the installation process. Getting proper advice for accurate installation of landscapes is necessary to prevent mishaps and disasters. Thus, when selecting the plants from a particular brand,you need to make sure that the seller offers you the option of installation as well as professional advice from his expert team to make the job easier.
When making a selection forlandscaping products you need to keep these things in mind. Affordable faux trees and plants that are weatherproof, easy to maintain and clean, lightweight and long lasting are just what you need for a quickand hassle-freelandscape installation.
Thanks to permaleaf for sharing their insight and working with me in how to make your environment that much better, easier and less stressful. You can visit their website using the links included in this post!
I have always been a shy child for as long as I can remember. I never wanted to answer questions in class or ever be on stage. I didn't have problems with making friends though. I hated going to clubs, even if I really enjoyed the activity as well as being told off, so I did everything to avoid it - I guess this was all about a fear of failure, even though my parents never brought me up in such a way. 
