Everything we experience makes us who we are. For some of us, certain parts of our lives affect us more than others and become a strong part of our habits and subconscious thoughts. As many of you know, a part of my childhood still lives with me in my daily life and I tend to rely on that mindset when I am uncomfortable or anxious. However, this kind of behaviour is not useful for me because I am not a young child any more. I don't want to be stuck with the low confidence level and worried reactions that I had when I was that age. For example, when I am driving alone I have the voice in my head that I am not old enough to do it and this is the voice I have doing a range of challenging things, purely because I had a trauma at a young age and it's almost like I am stuck in time. This voice, is not the voice of a 20 year old, but of my former self. It's strange how traumas can still make you act in certain ways. But this is normal for people who go through problems like this because you have lived like that for so long. In my case, it must be around 13 years of reinforcing those voices and habits!My counsellor showed me a few diagrams, which showed me how we have a parental part of us, an adult part of us (our current state) and our child self and all three parts make up who we are today. These three parts are split up further into sections, and for some of us, one section will be stronger that another. In my case, my child state is strongest with criticism (probably because I felt I needed to be in control at that age) and my parent state is strongest for nurturing over others (because I certainly give myself a really hard time!) The aim for me to increase the nurturing of myself and to give myself an easier time and weaken the subconscious voice of my younger self, because I'm not her any more. I'm an adult who is fully capable to take on what ever comes my way.
I hope this make sense!
Amy Xx
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