I have put endless pressure on myself over the years to try and be the best and I guess it has allowed me to push myself to get better results, but even with those results and goals that I should be proud of, it was never good enough. There was always someone else out there that I knew that was doing better.
I've written about this before and it used to really get to me - how with all the effort I was putting in, could I not be at the same level as other people? It still can get to me now but not as much as it used to. I guess I've finally come to a realisation that the competition I've put myself in, isn't a fair one. This is because everyone doesn't have the same starting line and to try and work to the bone to reach those who have had a head start is damaging and not even fair to myself.
For a long time I felt that my life needed to be in a rush because of the feeling that we only have so much time on this earth, that life is short and I need to achieve as much as I can in such little time. And whilst this may be true, to not waste your life and achieve what you can when you can, I cannot expect myself to be on the same page as everyone else.
Because what am I rushing myself for? The choices other people have made and what I see as major achievements, may not beneficial to me because it may not be the best thing for me to fast forward and reach all of my goals quickly. It may actually be more detrimental to me, but that doesn't mean that I'm a failure.In context, I'm twenty-three and saving up for a mortgage and I'd say that's one of my biggest pressures alongside relationships and for some my age, they have a mortgage and are engaged and seem like they have their life together. I often ask myself why isn't that me when I've worked so hard? And then I realised, if we don't all have the same start line, and we're all different, individual, different DNA, different family backgrounds and different goals we want from life, then it's stupid to expect that someone so different is going to reach each milestone at the same time. It's pretty much impossible. Even more so, it may not even be what's right for me at the time, or even what I want. So should I be achieving these things just for the sake of it, if it doesn't even feel right?
What I know is that I can only control my actions and my environment and not others. No one is the same and therefore we can't expect our journeys to be the same. The competition that we are pitching ourselves in, is biased and unfair. The only competition should be within ourselves, to achieve the best out of us and what we want, or else you'd end up living someone else life and that could only lead to unhappiness. Yes, jealousy may still exist but you must do what is right for you and it will happen at your own pace. No one else is in your shoes and people certainly won't stop progressing in their life just for you. It's when you relieve the pressure and realise there is in fact no rush to beat everyone else, but to just focus on getting the best out of yourself that you can find some peace.
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