I am not disordered

Hi! I’m Aimee from http://imnotdisordered.blogspot.co.uk/

Amy, has kindly asked me to write a guest post about being an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital to give some insight for those who have never been admitted.

I was first sectioned in 2009 when I took my first overdose in response to auditory hallucinations and I remember having absolutely no idea what was going on. I’d heard horror stories about our local psychiatric hospital and the police and hospital staff kept using terminology that I had never heard and didn’t understand; no one thought to explain it all to me. 



In my second admission, I was sent to a PICU for the first time; a PICU is a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit and once again, the seriousness of this was never explained to me, I just remember being told that the doors were locked. A Unit that is meant for some of the most mentally unwell people was used because I kept escaping from the open ward and the police told hospital staff they could not keep looking for me every single time I ran. That PICU was where I met my first inpatient friend; she persuaded me to finally tell people about my trauma and although I also had my first experience of ‘seclusion’ (a slightly padded room that you are usually kept in after needing to be restrained and sedated) there, it still wasn’t a particularly memorable experience. My third admission was the result of a ‘psychotic episode’ in which I’d become completely lost and consumed with my hallucinations and delusions. I was kept on a PICU for about three months and I saw a lot of poorly people, one of which, assaulted me. I was later told that this admission was used to determine whether I had psychosis.

From then (early 2010) until summer 2012, I never spent more than a month in hospital though I was admitted many times as I continued to overdose, self-harm and experience hallucinations. I was eventually diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and on one of my numerous admissions, a Doctor advised that my community team begin looking into a specialist hospital for me. I didn’t even know places like that existed! The first hospital I was assessed for, refused to accept my risk and I remember thinking ‘I’m never going to get better; no one will give me the chance.’ Then finally, I was admitted to a specialist ward in a private hospital, two and half hours away from home.

I've been here for 23 months now and as cliché as it sounds, it’s been a rollercoaster! Being an inpatient for so long has its positives and negatives. Probably the best thing has been that it’s meant my Doctors have gotten to know me properly which has meant they’ve got a better understanding of things. Another positive is that because it’s a long-term ward, I've made some amazing friends and I'm actually getting better because that’s what this ward is for. All of my previous admissions have either been about keeping me safe or trying to break my cycle of self-harm, so no hospital has ever actually tried to work through the causes for all of this. The two main negatives that I see are being away from home for so long and it’s sometimes quite an intense environment to be ‘living’ in. There’s always going to be some girls that don't get along and I've witnessed many arguments and even a few physical fights. There’s also the odd upset from staff when there’s a lack in communication/organisation or a let-down. But ultimately, I’m so grateful that my funding was approved for me to be here; this hospital has genuinely saved my life.

Life Lessons

I asked for the help of the people of twitter again for today's post. I wanted to be able group together people's life lessons, favourite quotes and things they would tell their younger self in the hope that others could benefit from it. If you have something you would like to share, don't forget to leave a comment down below.



I tell myself everyday, that today is going to be ok. - Angela Wood

Every time you give in to your fear and retreat, you are feeding the illness. Soldier on, it will boost your confidence! - BlueBelle

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain'. Sent by Gemma Sturgess.

"Nothing needs to be the end of the world". Anxiety makes this hard to believe, but it's true. - Lexie Mayhew

Do NOT start smoking - Mez Jones

"Live as if you are going to die tomorrow" - Sent by Mez Jones

Have the courage to be yourself, for many people are very understanding and supportive (most of the time!) - Dr Andrew K Black

Talk to a trusted person about your anxiety and emotions. Seek help sooner. Knowing others have the same helps - Dig-iT

Live life and be true to yourself. Get help with your depression and psychological help about all have fun and smile - Mitch Mitchell.

To my younger self - laugh often, be mentally/physically good to yourself, encourage others, pray - Generally anxious

A life of fear and avoidance leads to a small and unfulfilling life. Still fighting my way out after 20+ years if it. - Ian Hoadley

Read 'Peace is every step' by Thich Nhat Hanh - David Czekaj

However strong you are, we all have a tipping point. Don't beat yourself up. When you're at your lowest, the only way is up - Lisa.

"What you focus your attention on, grows. Remember the good times, laugh often and forgive 
and let go of the past" - Sent by Kirsty Ellis.

Grab every opportunity, don't wait for it to happen or you'll still be sitting there when you get to my age. #havenoregrets - Weller is God

I would tell my younger self "You're allowed to not always be at your best. It's ok to fail, that's how you learn." Hugh Gallagher

All you need is awareness - Roger

Advice to my younger self "Have the guts to just be yourself, we are all different in so many 
special ways" - Brian Daly

Instead of wasting energy on the things you can't change, accept them and focus on the things you can - Girly Girl

People who matter love you for who you are. Don't think about what others think, they don't matter - Stacy Leigh K

"Everything's going to be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end!" - Sent by Surena Chande

"Failure is a good thing. But once you've failed, there's nothing to be afraid of anymore" - Sent by Skye McAdams

"Whatever happens tomorrow, we've had today" Skye McAdams

Best wishes,





If you were struggling with your mental health...

Yesterday, I asked for the help of the lovely people of twitter. I wanted to make a blog post to show others that they are not alone in their battle against mental health and thankfully, quite a few people were very supportive. They all completed the sentence "If you were suffering from mental health, I would..." Before I write the answers, please don't forget to share this with someone who needs it. Often, reading that so many people offer support is just what people need.
 If you were struggling with your mental health, I would...

Reach out to someone close to you and have hope - Emma Wakeling

Talk to people, true friends will understand - Nigel Moore

Acknowledge that it's a real illness and try not to feel ashamed or weak. Also, be kind to yourself, be kind to yourself - Scarlett Curtis

Talk to someone and don't shut close family and friends out - Miss B

Stand by you no matter what - Starlet Survivor

Tell you that you will get better - Pete Cropley

Talking is the best therapy. Find someone you trust and tell them how you are feeling. A problem shared in a problem halved. - Kb

Hug you and tell you are not alone. - Emmie Lou

Always talk about how I am feeling with close family and friends - S Harte-Latremouille

Offer you a listening ear or a hug. Or both - Jen

Give you time to talk - Teresa Tinsel

Approach somebody about it, speaking about it has changed my life! Don't suffer in silence, you don't deserve to - Anna

Tell you that you are not alone and I will listen. Talking about it decreases the hold it has on you.
Don't blame yourself. Be kind to yourself, relief will come soon enough. - Noll

Listen. Be there. Bring cupcakes (I bake when I don't know how to help) and make tea - Kim

Tell you that I understand and am here for you - Kendra Kantor

Say never hide how you truly feel to enable you to get the help you need - Heart of Totnes

I'd say don't suffer in silence, talk about it, seek help otherwise your problems will only exacerbate - Blue Belle

Try to understand - Duncan green

I would tell you that everyone suffers differently. Don't feel like a failure is your symptoms aren't "textbook" - Jeni Smith

I would get a friend to help you or family, it worked for me - Mary Scales

Offer you unconditional support - Adam Male

Do what I could to help. Give you a big hug until it stopped hurting - Miss Laurie Aschcroft

Hold your hand - Marty

Please believe the people who tell you like will get better - Carrie

Don't be afraid to talk to friends - Noll

Do my best to understand - Debbie Blythe

I would eat a piece of chocolate and check in with my support system - LasMesha

I hope this has helped you in some way. If it has, please share it. Remember that you're never alone, what you've just read is a prime example!

Best Wishes,