I don't know how I can begin to comprehend the journey that has been this year. If you've been following my blog, you'll know that last year was "hell in more ways than one." You can read more about 2013, here.
Although the year had a rocky start, with my worst depressive episode, it was immensely better than 2013. Anxiety was still a big problem in terms of school, but by beginning a course of medication, life became so much easier. I began to tackle the things that scared me the most. I was definitely pinned to the post between life and death, but I can happily say that this year has been one of the best in a long time, and for that I am forever grateful.
I don't think you can truly experience the beauty that life holds, unless you have been to the darkest depths. This year, I have felt the fresh air like never before and held on to moments with every last grip. In a way, I can experience life at a new level. This year, instead of having limited positive experiences to talk about, I have too many to list; from getting into university (I have to say, I am having the time of my life), meeting my idol for the second time, being discharged from therapy, conquering some of my anxiety triggers, concerts, travelling; the list could go on.
Never did I think that I would experience happiness again, and even though I still have my bad days, and although I know haven't gotten over my anxiety completely, my life is a world away from the last year. It's almost incomprehensible. Once I was on the tightrope between life and death and now I am living independently and discovering happiness once more. I cannot thank my family, friends and teachers enough, as without them I don't know where I'd be. And of course you, the readers of my blog have been super supportive and for that I thank you. I wrote in last years', year in review that I hoped that the next year would be more of a dream than a nightmare, and my hopes have become a reality. At the beginning of 2013, I couldn't leave the house. And now, at the end of 2014, I am living independently. I never thought it possible, but life is full of twists and turns. You can do it.
When people ask me what my greatest achievement is out of this continuing process, I have to think. But, my answer always remains the same. "surviving" I say. "Because I never thought I'd see the day."
Best Wishes,
Since recently turning 19, I thought it would be a good idea to write down 19 things I've learnt in the 19 years that I've been alive. Perhaps this will act as a bit of memoir to my younger self and to others.
1. Always be yourself. It sounds so cliche but there isn't anything more true. Yes, you may get stick for it, but persevere. It's definitely worth the time. Don't worry about what others think of you.
2. Don't give in to peer pressure. I know it can be extremely hard. But, at the end of the day you will be doing what you want to do with your life instead of spending it living other peoples'. Anyway, a friend isn't a friend if they're making you do things you don't want to do.
3. Family is extremely important. Always make time for them.
4. Some friends will come and go, but there will be those special few that you must hold on to.
5. Love can be beautiful, but it may not last. Don't let it consume you to the point that you cut out everything else in your life. You'll regret it later.
6. Education is the basis of all things. Work hard and you will reap the rewards. I know you may not want to do that homework or revise for the test, but I promise in the end it will pay off. And whether you like it or not, teachers will impact on you for the rest of your days.
7. On the other hand, don't let school consume you. Unfortunately, the government puts a lot of pressure on schools and thus on pupils to do well. Try not become too overwhelmed. Remember your goals and you are your own person.
8. Life can be magical. Sometimes things can happen, which you would never have thought possible. It's beyond comprehension; embrace it.
9. Money isn't everything. Yes you need it to survive, but one day you might get told you only have so much life to live. You'd wish you'd spent it enjoying yourself, being with the ones you love and lessening it's importance, rather than waiting for a rainy day you may now never reach.
10. Be nice to people. You don't know what they're going through. Don't create unnecessary drama, but stand up for what you believe in.
11. The most toxic thing you can do is to compare yourself to others. It's difficult not to, but in the end "the race is only with yourself". It's your life to lead.
12. The darkest and hardest of times make you appreciate life when you come out of the other side. You are stronger than you think.
13. Give yourself credit. Be proud of your achievements.
14. There are heaters and drains in this world. Don't waste your time hanging around people who are toxic. There are only so many chances you can give.
15. Worrying doesn't improve things in any way. It only makes things worse. The things you worry about the most, highly likely won't even happen.
16. Remember to take a step back now and then. Remember the pillar between life and death.
17. Nature is amazing. Observe it and experience it as much as you can.
18. Time is not a limitless supply.
19. It's true you don't know what you've got until it's gone; cherish every moment. In the end, being surrounded by the people you love and the memories they hold, is the only importance.
Guest blog post from Jon.
How to build confidence when you feel like you don´t have any!
We all want to have an inner sense of confidence, and to live life carefree without any doubts. The problem with anxiety sufferers is that at times we can be full of doubts. So how do you turn things around and start to develop a strong sense of self-assurance?
Learn how to deal with yourself, not the situation
First of all you need to take practical steps in learning how to deal with yourself. In facing situations you find difficult. You can´t wait for confidence or you´ll be waiting forever. So take a deep breath and step outside your comfort zome. Willingly put yourself into situations you try to avoid. Speak up! Accept that you will feel nervous but don´t fight it, just go with it. Act in spite of how you feel. This is the key!
There´s no magic bullet in building confidence. You need to prove your doubts wrong. And then to prove them wrong again and again! By facing situations that make you feel anxious over and over again you will develop that voice inside you that says ¨I can do it!¨
Constantly remember past success
To help this voice grow you need to take note of such moments where you faced your difficulties and overcame them. To do this I recommend you keep a journal. At the end of each day write down the difficult moments you faced and how you dealt with yourself successfully. Also review your past successes daily. This will reinforce an attitude of confidence. Also in your quiet moments such as waiting for the bus you can reflect on your past successes. Remember how good it felt to come through the other side despite how you felt and give yourself a big pat on the back.
And then next time when you are going into a moment you usually find difficult take a moment to think of some of your previous successes and bask in your glory. Really appreciate how great you have done! And then you can go forward into the situation with an inner confidence that you are becoming a stronger person.
Make lists
Another thing which will helps reinforce, and build your confidence and self.esteem is writing down positive thngs about yourself. I recommend making lists of your positive attributes, past achievements, compliments people have given you, and things you´re good at. And then reviewing these lists daily. This will get you into the habit of seeing yourself in a positive light, of seeing yourself as a confident person who holds themself in high-esteem.
These things actually happened. So whenever you are feeling down, and need a little pick me up, you can remember your past successes, or something from your list and you will instantly feel better.
It´s a marathon not a sprint
Becoming a confident person takes time and commitment. By keeping a journal and lists and reviewing them daily, little by little you will transform. And before you know it you won´t even have to think about it anymore, you will just be a confident person. You´ll feel great with an deep sense of satisfaction of having grown into the confident person you deserve to be.
This all takes work. But it´s more than worth it. Seeing yourself change into a more confident, self-assured person is a great feeling. The act of taking control and becoming like this through your own effort is deeply satisfying, and gives you more confidence to go into the future with more enthusiasm. So, don´t wait any longer. Start facing difficult situations, focus on the positive, remember your successes, and start being the confident person you really are!
