Step by step

Sometimes people come to me for advice for their anxiety and depression. What I tend to say seems to follow a similar formula and step by step process. To help more of you, I thought I would share this guide with you. Please remember that I am not a doctor, and this is based upon my own experience.

A lot of the time, people who ask me for advice have never had any help for their illness and so I suggest the following:

• Talk - talking is key. A lot of people don't like to talk about their mental illness because they feel ashamed or because they don't want to burden their family and friends. I strongly advise people to talk because bottling things up will cause more damage than good. The people who support you in your everyday life, love you very much and will want to support you through your illness. Please try not to see it as a burden. If you found out that a friend or family member was ill and they didn't tell you, you would've wanted to know and wanted to help them. I know it's scary, but please try to talk through your problems. I know if I didn't, I wouldn't be here today.

• See you doctor - If people have never sought any professional advice before, I suggest that they see their doctor to get on the road to recovery. Your doctor will have access to services and can refer you if need be. I know it's scary to talk to your doctor, but it's very important to do so. Remember that not all doctors are trained in mental health and the first doctor you see may not understand. Don't give up, see another doctor to see if they will be more understanding. 

• Counselling - usually doctors will advise counselling as a first step. Here in the UK there is a long waiting list on the NHS, nevertheless it is important to sign up because the services they offer are really beneficial. You can also find other counselling services in your area, online. Counselling can allow you to get to the root of your problems and hopefully get you on your way to recovery.

• Lifestyle changes - I know lots of people recommend lifestyle changes, which I don't completely agree with. I feel that something simple as a lifestyle change cannot help people with mental illness and counselling and medication may be the way forward. However, little changes such as diet, exercise and yoga for example can all help in their own ways.

• Medication - medication for me was a final step. I had followed all of the steps I have just written and I was still severely depressed and anxious. I couldn't keep living the way I was. Although I didn't want to take medication in the first place, I am extremely happy I did because it has changed my life for the better. Your doctor will be able to help you with this and if at first the medication doesn't work, you can always try another.

Don't be ashamed. Be proud,

Amy Xx

Calming breathing techniques

One way to reduce your levels of anxiety is through breathing techniques. Here, I have listed various different breathing techniques that may help you. Choose the right ones for you!

• Exhaling longer - the simplest technique is to exhale for longer than you breathe in. For example If you breathe in for 5 seconds, exhale for 10. Repeat this until you feel a lot calmer. 

• The box - find something that is square or rectangle in nature and focus on it. Focus on one side at a time and scan the object in a clockwise manner. If you start at the side of the object, breathe in for the length of the side of the object, then exhale for the length of the top of the object and carry on for the other two sides, inhaling and exhaling in turns.

• Numbers - with this, you follow a pattern. Start by breathing for 1 and exhaling for 2, then inhaling for 2 and exhaling for 3, then inhaling for 3 and exhaling for 4 and so forth until you get to 10 and start over again. 

These are my top three techniques. Do you have any others you'd like to share?

Mindfulness

One method I use to battle my anxiety and depression is through mindfulness.

A lot of people recommend it and although it is beneficial, I don't think it can fully cure you from your struggles.

Mindfulness is about taking time out of your day to focus on yourself and to block the world out. It provides an escape and a focus on your mental health. I find on an everyday basis I can get stressed and caught up in the happenings around me and sometimes taking time away from that is just what I need - and you can do it too!

All you need to do is find somewhere you feel calm and relaxed, such as the garden or your bedroom and find somewhere comfortable to lay or sit. Some people prefer to sit in silence, but I prefer to find some meditation or sleeping music on youtube which helps to calm me. I tend to spend around 10 - 20 minutes with my eyes closed, focusing on my breathing and the muscles in my body. I focus on my breathing through taking a shorter breath in than the breath I exhale or I use number counting to count the seconds of my breath. With my body, I tend to start at the top of my head and imagine every muscle relaxing until I get to the tip of my toes. If I feel my mind wondering, I try to bring it back by focusing on my breathing.

It may be difficult at first, but once you get it, you can feel completely refreshed, calm and sometimes even quite light!

Lots of people recommend it and I personally think it's something that is helpful to all.

19 things I've learnt

Since recently turning 19, I thought it would be a good idea to write down 19 things I've learnt in the 19 years that I've been alive. Perhaps this will act as a bit of memoir to my younger self and to others.

1. Always be yourself. It sounds so cliche but there isn't anything more true. Yes, you may get stick for it, but persevere. It's definitely worth the time. Don't worry about what others think of you.

2. Don't give in to peer pressure. I know it can be extremely hard. But, at the end of the day you will be doing what you want to do with your life instead of spending it living other peoples'. Anyway, a friend isn't a friend if they're making you do things you don't want to do.

3. Family is extremely important. Always make time for them.

4. Some friends will come and go, but there will be those special few that you must hold on to.

5. Love can be beautiful, but it may not last. Don't let it consume you to the point that you cut out everything else in your life. You'll regret it later.

6. Education is the basis of all things. Work hard and you will reap the rewards. I know you may not want to do that homework or revise for the test, but I promise in the end it will pay off. And whether you like it or not, teachers will impact on you for the rest of your days.

7. On the other hand, don't let school consume you. Unfortunately, the government puts a lot of pressure on schools and thus on pupils to do well. Try not become too overwhelmed. Remember your goals and you are your own person.

8. Life can be magical. Sometimes things can happen, which you would never have thought possible. It's beyond comprehension; embrace it.

9. Money isn't everything. Yes you need it to survive, but one day you might get told you only have so much life to live. You'd wish you'd spent it enjoying yourself, being with the ones you love and lessening it's importance, rather than waiting for a rainy day you may now never reach.

10. Be nice to people. You don't know what they're going through. Don't create unnecessary drama, but stand up for what you believe in. 

11. The most toxic thing you can do is to compare yourself to others. It's difficult not to, but in the end "the race is only with yourself". It's your life to lead.

12. The darkest and hardest of times make you appreciate life when you come out of the other side. You are stronger than you think.

13. Give yourself credit. Be proud of your achievements.

14. There are heaters and drains in this world. Don't waste your time hanging around people who are toxic. There are only so many chances you can give.

15. Worrying doesn't improve things in any way. It only makes things worse. The things you worry about the most, highly likely won't even happen.

16. Remember to take a step back now and then. Remember the pillar between life and death.

17. Nature is amazing. Observe it and experience it as much as you can.

18. Time is not a limitless supply.

19. It's true you don't know what you've got until it's gone; cherish every moment. In the end, being surrounded by the people you love and the memories they hold, is the only importance. 

Suicide

For some this post may be triggering, so please don't feel you need to carry on reading. The charity Samaritans are here to help, you can call them on 08457 90 90 90 (UK)

I've decided to take this step into writing this post because I very rarely see anyone talking about this topic directly. It's always covered up or ignored even though the loss of life is very real. Suicide, which I'm sure many of you are aware of, or have thought about is the taking one's own life. I know for many this post will want to be avoided because you don't want to think about it. But, this is exactly the point. Suicide and it's awareness cannot be ignored for any longer.

Here in England, there is a death every two hours.

This death could be your family member, your friend, your partner, parent or teacher. This is what makes the statistic even more shocking and the worst part is that people still ignore it. Suicide is a very real problem and there is the possibility that someone close to you is experiencing suicidal feelings or has tried to kill themselves. You may not even know and that is the scariest part. Occasionally however, a person may show signs of needing help or even directly asking for help. Please make sure you are a listening ear. Try just to listen, and to not make any comments on the matter. There are signs to be looking out for and ways to help, which you can read about, here.

Suicide isn't always directly connected to a mental health issue and there doesn't need to be a reason for it. Either way, it can still be fatal.

By writing this post, I don't just want to raise awareness, but I want to make sure that you understand something. When we feel suicidal, there is no way out, there is no help, there is often the feeling that no one understands and some people even feel that no one would miss them or love them. But, let me tell you this; people will miss you and people do love you. Whatever you are facing, and for however long, whether it's months or years, you can keep going. Often, the endless pain with no happiness for so long, and even the loss of what we once had leads us to feeling that we don't have the strength to carry on and I know that it is what you experiencing. But, let me tell you even when you feel you are taking your last few breaths, you do have the strength to carry on, there is a way out and it will come in time. Life is very unexpected and one day you will find the light again, and you will enjoy the love of life once more. I don't blame you at all for feeling like you do, but trust me when I say it will get better. Even if what I'm writing sounds like a shot in the dark and completely false, I do know that you can get there. 

Best Wishes and keep fighting,

A new chapter

I am officially a Law undergraduate; it's strange to hear myself say these words.

I have really been enjoying university so far. It's a world away from home and I'm glad I made the move. I'd be lying if I said anxiety isn't  something I have to cope with on a daily basis, but I'm hoping to continue to tackle it before it becomes too much of a problem in my every day life at university. On the other hand, I have met many different people from all walks of life. I have found that some of these have been through similar issues that I have, which still surprises me, even though one in four experience problems with their mental health in any one year. I'm lucky to have met people who are as understanding.

Meeting new people has meant I was out almost every night for freshers. Although it was somewhat out of my comfort zone, I found a good group of people I could and can have a good time with. It just shows that stepping outside of your comfort zone is something we should all try once in a while. Cooking is still something I am getting used to and I'm sure that I'll get there eventually. But, for the moment I reckon I'm a long way from being the next winner of Masterchef! 

It's been over a month since moving out and yet it feels longer. I already feel I have embraced my independence. Taxis and buses, food shopping, budgeting, cleaning, joining societies and going to see a new doctor are all a main part of my life now. I didn't think I'd ever be able to get my independence back, but I have. I hope that from reading the beginning of my story of anxiety, to reading where I am now will give you hope. 
Once, the sheer thought of getting in a taxi would send panic through my body and stop me from moving and yet, I can now get in a taxi by myself. I know that it can seem that you'll never recover and you'll never be able to do the things you love; I have been there. But, you will get there over time, you just have to ride the wave with the knowledge that there is light at the end. Never be ashamed of your journey; you're not alone. 

I will keep you updated with my university journey and I hope to be back into a blogging routine very soon. Feel free to ask me any questions about my recent move! You can do more than your mind thinks you can.

Best Wishes,