I've left school

Friday was my last official day at school.14 years of education has finally come to an end and it's the strangest thing.

For those of you who've read my post on school, you'll know that I've had severe struggles with it. Who would have thought I'd ever be writing a post about leaving school at the end of an academic year, rather than writing a post about leaving because my condition meant I had to. I guess it's an accomplishment! But, it's still weird to think i'll no longer be looking out of my bedroom window (unless I fail & have to retake!) hoping that one day I'd be able to make it to school, just like any other person. It's the weirdest thing and I almost can't explain it. I spent days in turmoil because I couldn't get to school and all of these past two years trying really hard to get into school. Only recently has it become easier, but just when I'm getting used to it, it's time to leave. 

14 years is a very long time and it's difficult to write about it in so little words. I suppose I could say that I've learnt a lot, I've grown as a person, there have been awful times, but there have been brilliant times and all of it I will never forget. I know I've missed a lot over these last few years, whether that be making memories or learning in lessons and even though it's painful to think of it, I know that I've got memories that I can cherish.

Best Blogger Award!

I will never forget my teachers either and it's true to say that most people don't. Over these past couple of years especially, I have seen how much effort is put into keeping the school running and students going and I am extremely grateful. My teachers have been amazing and I'll never forget the support they've put in place to help me through some extremely difficult times. They, alongside my family and friends have kept me going.

If you follow me on twitter, you'll know I tweeted about the 'best blogger award'. Friday was our leaving assembly and as part of it, various people were given awards. A few months ago, my teachers found my blog and thus the award was given for blog writing, helping others and recognising my general struggle. I really appreciate the thought.

I suppose it's time to conclude this post. Well, It's come to the end of an era and it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'll never have another lunchtime at school or a lesson, but as sad as it is and as fast as time is going by, this is the end of another chapter which I know I can revisit. It's so strange, as I remember the first time I met one of my teachers when I was 5 like it was yesterday. I'm 18 now and I'm wondering where all of the time has gone; It goes so incredibly fast.

If there's one thing left to write, it's that "life is short" and It does sound cliche, but it's true. Time is incredibly precious and it's stops for no man. I hope that you spend it wisely and do what makes you happy. If you find yourself in a difficult place at the moment, whether that's in terms of mental health or not, please keep going. I know you feel time is passing you by and you have lack of control, but you will get there in the end. I spent many a day thinking that the only way to survive was to quit school, but I held on and I'm here now at the other side. It's true to say, I'd never thought I'd see the day.

Thank you to everyone who has played a part in keeping me going over these past few years throughout school - you know who you are! It has been an extremely hard and without the support, I don't know where I'd be. It's true - people really do leave an impact on your life and it's important to cherish them.

Until next time,

Mental health in academia

For many of you, your exams are fastly approaching; including mine. For others of you, you may be about to face a challenge in your life. Which ever it is, this will be a very important time where your mental health needs to be considered.

Recently I read a very important article on academia and mental health specifically focusing on those who are studying for PHD's; you can read this article here. Although it's not surprising to me that mental health seems to be affected around exam time, the article still managed to shock me. There were students who had eating disorders, suicidal thoughts and who were battling depression due to their academics. I know from experience that it's not unusual for a student to put their exams above their mental health, but it is an issue we all need to consider and is sadly often avoided. 

When seeing the sacrifices students face written down, it brings the issue to the forefront. The article notes how some students quit their PHD without finishing, or feel so much pressure that the only way to escape is to commit suicide, and unfortunately some do as a result. This too can be applied to all areas of education. I am currently studying for my A-levels and it's true to say that many of my peers and myself included are beginning to feel the stress. Often, you can get so overwhelmed with your exams and feel so trapped because of the pressure.

Mental health in academia is very rarely addressed in open discussion and this can apply to work too. Let's just remember that one in four of us will experience a mental health condition in any one year; it's common! In my experience throughout education, my school and teachers have been amazing in helping me with any troubles I may face and I cannot thank them enough. However, I know some people aren't as fortunate.

Let me reassure you, there are so many people out there who are willing to support you and there are so many people that have felt the way that you do about your exams and the challenges they are facing and have survived. 'Survived' seems a word that exaggerates the situation, but unfortunately it doesn't. To get through being suicidal or having suicidal thoughts and to come out of the other side is something that you have battled through.

Because these feelings cannot be seen and because mental illness is hidden, too often we find ourselves oblivious. But, you'd be so surprised at how many people need a helping hand and are feeling the pressure just like you are. Asking someone how they're doing now and then is a step in the right direction for better mental health.

One final point is based upon this quote written in the article:

"It is not OK for PhD students to become so affected by their studies that they kill themselves.

It is not OK for PhD students to maintain the culture of working yourself to the point of illness.

It is not OK for academics to wash their hands of the situation."

I will tell you exactly the same. Whether it be your GCSE's, A-levels, Degree or any other challenge, it is not okay for someone to suffer so much that they feel they can no longer cope. Unfortunately this is too often the case and closer to home than we think. 

I want to reassure you that this will come and pass. I know that in the future many say that these problems won't seem as big as they once were, but for you at this time in your life it is the main issue your life surrounds. I remember my GCSE's and felt overwhelming pressure. But the important thing is, that I and many of my peers managed to get through it. Please, it is really important to find someone to talk to if you are feeling stressed, regardless of exams. Whether that be your teachers, your family, friends or a charity. People are willing to help you and talking was the best thing I ever did.

I wish all the best with what challenges you are facing at the moment. As mentioned in my assembly this morning "whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." - you can do it! You can only do your best and I wish you good luck. Remember, talk to someone if you're feeling stressed and most importantly, look after your mental health. 

I'll leave you with this video:

I hope this has helped some of you and by sharing this post, you will be helping others and raising awareness of mental health in academia. 

Best Wishes,

Do people really understand?

As mentioned in previous posts, some people may not understand and this is why there is stigma, discrimination and bullying.

The problem is you will only know what it feels like if you experience it. However there are some great people out there such as your therapists, friends and family who will all try their best to understand and support you. You could have all of the information in the world on the topic, but still not fully understand it.

The best thing you can do to help a person understand is to try and explain it to them simply. You could use the flight or fight system as a short example. Of course, they may still find this weird...after all, panicking about getting into a car may seem strange to another person. The way my mum explained it to my teachers is likening it to a phobia. When I had severe problems with getting into school, my mum explained that it's like having a phobia of spiders. You're scared of them, but you don't know why.

The many people who support you and love you will try their best to understand and even if they don't, they will still continue to support you. As you've read in the last post, there are a few family members and friends that don't understand and have said that to me, but are still ever so kind. But there are people that won't understand and may be quite ignorant about it and that is their problem. Until they've experienced it themselves, they will never know. They may make sweeping statements or get angry - just ignore it and try to explain to them if they're willing. Not everybody is going to understand your situation, just like not every person understands every single maths problem.

Remember that you need support throughout your recovery, not people who don't care and this is where you have to be a little bit selfish. Keep going!