According to Anxiety UK, health anxiety is defined as follows:
'Those affected by health anxiety have an obsessional preoccupation with the idea or the thought that they are currently (or will be) experiencing a physical illness.'
This means that for many people, they will regularly have the fear that they may have cancer, aids or a brain tumour amongst many other illnesses. There is also the tendency that if someone else has an illness, the person may feel they have the same. But, people may also be obsessive over being ill or becoming ill with a particular illness, like a stomach bug. From having one symptom such as a headache, many will jump to the conclusion that it's something a lot more serious such as a brain tumour, and in turn this will affect their everyday lives. Anything from a rash, a bite, a cold and muscle pain can all be taken to severity. You will often find many people with health anxiety taking regular trips to the doctors to make sure they don't have anything wrong with them, otherwise known as a safety behaviour. A personal example was the time when I was getting really bad stomach aches, and was sure that there was something wrong and so I went to the doctors. After a few tests, I found out that is was just my anxiety creating the physical symptoms.
For me, it's not so much about being obsessed with getting a disease, cancer or a heart attack; although I am prone to jumping to conclusions. It's mainly the obsessive and controlling fear of being physically ill in front of people. For me, this is mainly being sick or having stomach bug, but it could even be something like a nosebleed. I question and analyse how I'm feeling pretty much from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep and this can be hell; as not only do you feel ill, but you are in a high state of anxiety.
Many people would say now; "don't focus on it" and "stop focusing on yourself". But if you felt ill, you wouldn't ignore it. So for someone who feels ill pretty much all of the time due to anxiety and has fears of illness, it would hard to justify your statement. Just like if someone has a fear of dogs, and they are constantly worrying that a dog might be near them, you can't just ignore it. You're scared.
It can become a downward spiral. For example, every day when I have school, I will wake up feeling ill, which is typical of the flight or fight system. However, feeling this way will make me think I am actually ill and have a bug. Therefore I will find it very difficult to leave the house. Because I feel I cannot escape, it becomes a big issue. Of course, this heightened anxiety will increase the symptoms.
I've had this fear for as long as I can remember, but it got really severe back in 2012, when my anxiety began to creep in. You can read more about it here. I've had to cope with it for a very long time and I'm not going to deny it; it's very debilitating. For example, struggling with public transport in the fear that I cannot escape incase I am ill. Not going to school, incase I am really ill. Not doing driving lessons, incase I cannot leave. Basically, it hinders anything and everything from going for a walk to giving a presentation. I know for some of you reading this it sounds absolutely ridiculous, but think about your worst fear and how debilitating that is. The mind is extremely powerful and my phobia works in just the same way as yours.
Recently, it's taken a new turn. I am avoiding certain foods in the fear that it will make me ill. For example, I won't eat some meat, I will be obsessive with dates and dairy amongst other things to ensure that I don't get ill. Even though I know bugs are all around me, I try to prevent illness in any way I can. Obviously, not eating certain foods and eating less food is in no way good for my health and I am slowly trying to overcome this area of anxiety.
I hope this has been helpful to you in some way. I know many people will say "stop worrying" and "there is nothing wrong with you", but it's hard to when it's a fear. Don't forget, talking is the most important bit of advice I can give you. Don't bottle your feelings up and certainly seek professional help if you feel you need it.
Best Wishes,
Time for an appreciation post! I'm not usually one with words, but this is important. As I've mentioned in my post 'My year in review', it has been an extremely hard year and it's made me see many sides to humankind. Below I have written a little passage to all of the people that have helped me survive this year.
Family
This year, I have needed my family more than ever and I am glad to say that they have been here for me. Not everyone understands or knows about it, but it's generally been a good response, even if it's been a task to explain what it's all about. My mum especially, has given every waking moment to me when my anxiety has taken over. She has gone over and beyond to help me through. I wish I never had to put her through any of it, but as many of you know anxiety can be overwhelming and can affect everyone around you. She's a lifesaver and miracle worker! ha. My Auntie has also been there on the phone to talk whenever. As she suffers with mental health herself, it's great to to be able to talk to someone who's been through it too. Words can never explain how much I appreciate them and the support they have given me. I hope they know their worth.
Friends
As I've mentioned before, I have found out who my real friends are. Even though some may not understand; they haven't avoided me. I am very lucky to have people who have supported me and listened during the harder times.
Teachers
My first assumption was that I'd have to leave the school I am studying at. I thought that they would think that I was stupid, weak, that I was skipping school on purpose and that they'd laugh. How wrong I was! They have been a main part of my recovery and have been so supportive. They've chatted to me about it, sent work home, given me a lot of leeway with times and rooms. I will never forget them. They have worked so hard, using their spare time to make sure I still continue to stay in school. It's helped immensely and I hope they understand their importance throughout my journey and the changes they can make to people's lives. Not having the ability to go to school, has made me realise how important it is and how much I miss it all. It's true to say "You don't know what you've got until it's gone".
You
When I started this blog and only had a few views, I was so happy that I had the ability to help a few people. Now, I am beginning to make some friends in the blogging world and help more people out as the days go by. Knowing that I can improve someone's life just a little bit, is a great thing to me. In return, the lovely things you write to me, make my day and keep me going. I hope that we can continue this journey, and we can fight this battle together.
Be thankful for all of the people that support you and make sure you let them know. Remember that talking is key. I understand that not everyone has someone to talk to and reactions may be different, but it's important to note that what you think may happen, isn't always the case. Many will react in a positive manner. From experience, I know that not everyone will be understanding or be graceful with words. Everyone has experienced this in regards to mental health, but it's important to know that there are people out there who love you and support you. Try and find someone in your life that you can talk to. It takes a lot of courage to talk because of your perceptions, but it will help you a lot. There are always charities and I am always here to help.
I wish you all the best for 2014 and let this be the year we win the battle against our mental health!
I know we've still got a few weeks to go until the end of December and the beginning of 2014, but because it's going to be a busy time of celebration, now seems like a good option to reflect on the past year.
This time last year, it was 2012 and the end of what I regard as the best year of my life so far. The end of 2012 however, was a bit harder as my anxiety slowly began to creep in more and more. 2013 arrived and as many of you may have read, I had a breakdown in January where I've had to rebuild my life from the very beginning. Blood tests and mostly doctors appointments have been main parts of my life this year and almost twelve months later, it has brought me here. Thinking about this makes me feel sick to my stomach of frustration and sadness over how much I've missed in the past year or so. It's safe to it's been one hell of year in more ways than one.
On the plus side, even though this year has been a struggle, I have had a few good moments and it's important to remember these. Amongst a few highlights are my AS level results and university offers. At the beginning of the year, when I couldn't face school, many people said that I wouldn't do so well at school due my lack of attendance. But, I was so determined. I was not going to fail and I was not going to give in. The determination to succeed was so huge and the crippling anxiety was just what encouraged me further. I was not going to let my anxiety defeat me, even though I have had many moments in this year where I've thought the only way to survive, was to quit school. I spent many months revising and teaching myself in preparation for the exams, and I surprised myself and many others as a result. I've also learnt about myself more than ever this year and it's helped me to understand more about the philosophy of the world. If this is to teach you and I anything, it is that if you work hard you can reap the rewards and have faith in yourself that you can achieve.
In terms of my family, friends and teachers - these are the people I am incredibly grateful for. Without them, I have no clue where I'd be now. They've kept me going. They have been so supportive. It sounds very cliche, but this year has shown me who my true friends are and I cherish them. Remember, talking is the most important thing you can do to get on the road to recovery. I can't thank everyone enough. I hope these people realise how important they are to me!
Looking back, I know this has been an extremely hard year; because of not having the ability do what I love and this is something I'm still battling, so that one day I can live a full life. It's true to say that many will only understand if you've experienced it. There have been many times when I could've given up, but I managed to hold onto the knowledge that I will get through this and that there are better things to come. I know there are times when you can feel as one of my teachers put it "just holding on", but you can do it and you will get there.
How was your year in review? Let me know!
Merry Christmas! or as it is said in German; Froehliche Weihnachten!,
