Living without you

Time for an appreciation post! I'm not usually one with words, but this is important. As I've mentioned in my post 'My year in review', it has been an extremely hard year and it's made me see many sides to humankind. Below I have written a little passage to all of the people that have helped me survive this year.

Family
This year, I have needed my family more than ever and I am glad to say that they have been here for me. Not everyone understands or knows about it, but it's generally been a good response, even if it's been a task to explain what it's all about. My mum especially, has given every waking moment to me when my anxiety has taken over. She has gone over and beyond to help me through. I wish I never had to put her through any of it, but as many of you know anxiety can be overwhelming and can affect everyone around you. She's a lifesaver and miracle worker! ha. My Auntie has also been there on the phone to talk whenever. As she suffers with mental health herself, it's great to to be able to talk to someone who's been through it too. Words can never explain how much I appreciate them and the support they have given me. I hope they know their worth. 

Friends
As I've mentioned before, I have found out who my real friends are. Even though some may not understand; they haven't avoided me. I am very lucky to have people who have supported me and listened during the harder times. 

Teachers
My first assumption was that I'd have to leave the school I am studying at. I thought that they would think that I was stupid, weak, that I was skipping school on purpose and that they'd laugh. How wrong I was! They have been a main part of my recovery and have been so supportive. They've chatted to me about it, sent work home, given me a lot of leeway with times and rooms. I will never forget them. They have worked so hard, using their spare time to make sure I still continue to stay in school. It's helped immensely and I hope they understand their importance throughout my journey and the changes they can make to people's lives. Not having the ability to go to school, has made me realise how important it is and how much I miss it all. It's true to say "You don't know what you've got until it's gone".

You
When I started this blog and only had a few views, I was so happy that I had the ability to help a few people. Now, I am beginning to make some friends in the blogging world and help more people out as the days go by. Knowing that I can improve someone's life just a little bit, is a great thing to me. In return, the lovely things you write to me, make my day and keep me going. I hope that we can continue this journey, and we can fight this battle together. 

Be thankful for all of the people that support you and make sure you let them know. Remember that talking is key. I understand that not everyone has someone to talk to and reactions may be different, but it's important to note that what you think may happen, isn't always the case. Many will react in a positive manner. From experience, I know that not everyone will be understanding or be graceful with words. Everyone has experienced this in regards to mental health, but it's important to know that there are people out there who love you and support you. Try and find someone in your life that you can talk to. It takes a lot of courage to talk because of your perceptions, but it will help you a lot. There are always charities and I am always here to help. 

I wish you all the best for 2014 and let this be the year we win the battle against our mental health!

My year in review 2013!

I know we've still got a few weeks to go until the end of December and the beginning of 2014, but because it's going to be a busy time of celebration, now seems like a good option to reflect on the past year.

This time last year, it was 2012 and the end of what I regard as the best year of my life so far. The end of 2012 however, was a bit harder as my anxiety slowly began to creep in more and more. 2013 arrived and as many of you may have read, I had a breakdown in January where I've had to rebuild my life from the very beginning. Blood tests and mostly doctors appointments have been main parts of my life this year and almost twelve months later, it has brought me here. Thinking about this makes me feel sick to my stomach of frustration and sadness over how much I've missed in the past year or so. It's safe to it's been one hell of year in more ways than one.

On the plus side, even though this year has been a struggle, I have had a few good moments and it's important to remember these. Amongst a few highlights are my AS level results and university offers. At the beginning of the year, when I couldn't face school, many people said that I wouldn't do so well at school due my lack of attendance. But, I was so determined. I was not going to fail and I was not going to give in. The determination to succeed was so huge and the crippling anxiety was just what encouraged me further. I was not going to let my anxiety defeat me, even though I have had many moments in this year where I've thought the only way to survive, was to quit school. I spent many months revising and teaching myself in preparation for the exams, and I surprised myself and many others as a result. I've also learnt about myself more than ever this year and it's helped me to understand more about the philosophy of the world. If this is to teach you and I anything, it is that if you work hard you can reap the rewards and have faith in yourself that you can achieve. 

In terms of my family, friends and teachers - these are the people I am incredibly grateful for. Without them, I have no clue where I'd be now. They've kept me going. They have been so supportive. It sounds very cliche, but this year has shown me who my true friends are and I cherish them. Remember, talking is the most important thing you can do to get on the road to recovery. I can't thank everyone enough. I hope these people realise how important they are to me!

Looking back, I know this has been an extremely hard year; because of not having the ability do what I love and this is something I'm still battling, so that one day I can live a full life. It's true to say that many will only understand if you've experienced it. There have been many times when I could've given up, but I managed to hold onto the knowledge that I will get through this and that there are better things to come. I know there are times when you can feel as one of my teachers put it "just holding on", but you can do it and you will get there. 

How was your year in review? Let me know! 

Merry Christmas! or as it is said in German; Froehliche Weihnachten!,

Stigma

Stigma: 'A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person: "the stigma of mental disorder"'

If there's a word you can think of when mentioning mental health, it is definitely stigma. In fact this is the main issue when looking at mental health. Many people are really scared of saying anything about their mental health incase they will be judged which can become a dangerous situation to be in.

Firstly there are laws out there which protect people from discrimination, such as the laws about mental health that can be applied in the workplace. However, as you might as well know they aren't always followed. So what else is there? These laws are there for your safety and protection and if you feel you are being mistreated you can always take it to a tribunal. No one is allowed to make you feel worthless, especially in the eyes of the law.

Secondly there are many organisations out there that are trying to get rid of mental health as a 'taboo' subject. The most important campaign to me is 'Time To Change'. You may have seen the adverts on the TV and videos on YouTube, which I advise you check out if you haven't already. There is also a pledge wall which I have signed, along with stories and how you can help - even more resources to make you realise that you are not alone! Anxiety UK, is a great charity too along with Childline. 

Stigma is a massive issue when it comes to mental illness. I have had great issues when trying to explain my anxiety and people either not listening, not thinking it's a big deal and just brushing it off as if they don't have to care. But, generally people have been supportive.

Family

In terms of my family, they have been very accepting. They haven't punished me for it, or been ashamed of me. I think this is because I have a very good relationship with my family, but also there are others in the family which suffer from mental illness too. They also saw me suffer before their eyes and with anxiety, it's hard to hide anything. I never really told them upfront but I guess they just knew and/or found out and when they did find out, they didn't treat me any differently. But there were some members of my family which struggled to understand, which can be aggravating. However without them I have no idea what I'd do. They have literally saved me and I can never thank them enough for it. 

Friends

Through my anxiety, I have realised who my true friends are. I have had some friends who I never thought would help me out, but they have been the best. They've talked to me about it for hours, sent me school work and helped me in any which way they can. However, I have only told very few of my friends. I hate to say the reason why, but I guess it's because of the stigma. I'm worried about what they will think and if they will tell others. I've also had many people ask me why I've been off so much from school, but I just tend to reply with 'I have a few problems' or 'just because' or 'when I'm better I will explain' and as t's such a sensitive subject, and I rather keep it close.

Teachers

I never thought my teachers would be so helpful. My Mum and Grandma sent the school cards! I expect most if not all of the teachers don't understand my situation and they could easily just say I couldn't be bothered or remove me from the school, but they have been amazing and I can't thank them enough. Whether you like school or not, your teachers will have an impact on you for the rest of you life and you must understand that they are there to help you. If you feel you can't talk to your parents, then talk to your teachers. My teachers have been wonderful by organizing separate rooms for my exams, sending work home, calling me, checking if i'm okay in lessons; the list is endless! The thing I've been most grateful for is that they've talked to me. At the end of lessons they've asked how I am, that they're here if I need to talk and so on. One of my teachers even spoke to me about the stigma. He said 'This first thing you think people are going to think of you is crazy, but that's not true at all.' 

What I'm trying to say, is that yes there will be stigma and it definitely hurts because you know that you cannot help it. But the thing is, it's because people don't understand and this is why I'd really like it to be taught in schools and the workplace. You have to understand that you are bigger and better than anything anyone can say to you, and you've got this. If I can do it, so can you. I've been to darkest places of life, and I'm slowly getting there. So don't give up, and don't listen to the rubbish people reel out. It is extremely painful and angers you immensely when people say inconsiderate things about your health, but understand you are stronger. I know you may be worried about the stigma if you talk about your health, but believe me it's not as bad as you think; there are people out there to support you and it's never as bad as you presume, just look at the support I have had!

You must speak to someone, whether it be your family, teachers, friends, or even me. You will be better off with the support.