How do I talk to someone?

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know that I encourage talking about mental health as the best route to recovery. However, I know this is easier said than done and I know that talking about your problems with mental health can be very difficult. Therefore, I've compiled a list of a few things that may help you:

1. Letter - Often we have the words to say, but we just can't bring ourselves to say them aloud. By writing a letter, it may be easier for you to tell someone about the issues you are facing and give the other person time to reply.

2. Trust - It's always easier to talk to someone who you know really well and trust. You know that these people will support you with whatever you will tell them. "A problem shared, is a problem halved" Therefore, you'll not only find it easier to talk to them, but it may give you the courage to talk to other people who you are close to in your life.

3. Research - Unfortunately, mental health isn't as understood as we'd all like it to be. However, there are ways you can help. It will become easier for the other person to understand if you have some information to help you explain the condition. You can find this information from the doctors, charities, the internet and of course your own experience!

4. You're the same - Keep in mind that you're still the same as you were before you had told this person about your mental health. You haven't changed, you just have to battle something extra in your everyday life. Perhaps explaining this to the person, may help them to understand and support you; you're still the person they've always known.

5. Walk and talk - Try to find the best way for you to tell the person. Perhaps it's easier to go on a walk and have a catch up with a friend, or it's easier to have a cup of tea and tell them face to face, perhaps telling them online; whatever is best for you. It's important that you try to find a way in which you feel comfortable and at a time when you feel ready.

Generally speaking, people saw the changes mental illness were having on me and thus it was hard to hide. On the other hand, for those I managed to keep it quiet from, I managed to have a general catch up with them in person, rather than online or by sitting them down. I found it easier to tell them straight away, as excuses only made it harder for me tell them what was really going on.

I hope these tips have helped. Everyone is different, so the method you have used may not be on this list. If you have used a different method, then please let me know in the comments below. Take your time.

Perhaps this video may help you:

Best Wishes,

Mental health in academia

For many of you, your exams are fastly approaching; including mine. For others of you, you may be about to face a challenge in your life. Which ever it is, this will be a very important time where your mental health needs to be considered.

Recently I read a very important article on academia and mental health specifically focusing on those who are studying for PHD's; you can read this article here. Although it's not surprising to me that mental health seems to be affected around exam time, the article still managed to shock me. There were students who had eating disorders, suicidal thoughts and who were battling depression due to their academics. I know from experience that it's not unusual for a student to put their exams above their mental health, but it is an issue we all need to consider and is sadly often avoided. 

When seeing the sacrifices students face written down, it brings the issue to the forefront. The article notes how some students quit their PHD without finishing, or feel so much pressure that the only way to escape is to commit suicide, and unfortunately some do as a result. This too can be applied to all areas of education. I am currently studying for my A-levels and it's true to say that many of my peers and myself included are beginning to feel the stress. Often, you can get so overwhelmed with your exams and feel so trapped because of the pressure.

Mental health in academia is very rarely addressed in open discussion and this can apply to work too. Let's just remember that one in four of us will experience a mental health condition in any one year; it's common! In my experience throughout education, my school and teachers have been amazing in helping me with any troubles I may face and I cannot thank them enough. However, I know some people aren't as fortunate.

Let me reassure you, there are so many people out there who are willing to support you and there are so many people that have felt the way that you do about your exams and the challenges they are facing and have survived. 'Survived' seems a word that exaggerates the situation, but unfortunately it doesn't. To get through being suicidal or having suicidal thoughts and to come out of the other side is something that you have battled through.

Because these feelings cannot be seen and because mental illness is hidden, too often we find ourselves oblivious. But, you'd be so surprised at how many people need a helping hand and are feeling the pressure just like you are. Asking someone how they're doing now and then is a step in the right direction for better mental health.

One final point is based upon this quote written in the article:

"It is not OK for PhD students to become so affected by their studies that they kill themselves.

It is not OK for PhD students to maintain the culture of working yourself to the point of illness.

It is not OK for academics to wash their hands of the situation."

I will tell you exactly the same. Whether it be your GCSE's, A-levels, Degree or any other challenge, it is not okay for someone to suffer so much that they feel they can no longer cope. Unfortunately this is too often the case and closer to home than we think. 

I want to reassure you that this will come and pass. I know that in the future many say that these problems won't seem as big as they once were, but for you at this time in your life it is the main issue your life surrounds. I remember my GCSE's and felt overwhelming pressure. But the important thing is, that I and many of my peers managed to get through it. Please, it is really important to find someone to talk to if you are feeling stressed, regardless of exams. Whether that be your teachers, your family, friends or a charity. People are willing to help you and talking was the best thing I ever did.

I wish all the best with what challenges you are facing at the moment. As mentioned in my assembly this morning "whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." - you can do it! You can only do your best and I wish you good luck. Remember, talk to someone if you're feeling stressed and most importantly, look after your mental health. 

I'll leave you with this video:

I hope this has helped some of you and by sharing this post, you will be helping others and raising awareness of mental health in academia. 

Best Wishes,

Tips for social anxiety

Here are a few tips which I have used for social anxiety:

1. Behavioural experiments - I have done a few of these as part of my therapy sessions. Behavioural experiments are where you write down what you think will happen and what actually happens. For example, I had to do a behavioural experiment for asking for something in a shop and had to record what happened afterwards.

2. Start off small - Always work your way up through your fears of social anxiety; I guess this is a bit like CBT. For example, I used to always wear black, no jewellery or make up so no one would look at me. In order to overcome this, I would start off wearing a piece of jewellery for a week, then work my way to changing the colour of my clothes.

3. What if - often the "what if" is always present in our minds. For example, "What if I stutter when I'm on the phone?" "What happens if I panic?" "They'll think I'm stupid". You've got to remember, that very rarely do people react to this. In fact, my therapist did a survey and found out that if someone did stutter, they wouldn't think them to be stupid. Although it's extremely hard to stop the "what if", we all must try to do so. In reality, what you think will happen, will rarely happen.

4. Talking - One thing I've always encouraged you guys to do, is to talk. Please, if you find yourself struggling then talk to someone. Often, talking to someone about your social phobia will help you to think clearly. The person may even be willing to help you through the situations that give you social anxiety. Talking to someone with a different point of view, may be beneficial to you.

5. Plan - If you have a fear of talking on the phone or something else, you can make a plan of what you're going to say. In this way, you'll have a few sentences to pick from whilst you are talking, which will ultimately calm you down.

Best Wishes,