Step by step

Sometimes people come to me for advice for their anxiety and depression. What I tend to say seems to follow a similar formula and step by step process. To help more of you, I thought I would share this guide with you. Please remember that I am not a doctor, and this is based upon my own experience.

A lot of the time, people who ask me for advice have never had any help for their illness and so I suggest the following:

• Talk - talking is key. A lot of people don't like to talk about their mental illness because they feel ashamed or because they don't want to burden their family and friends. I strongly advise people to talk because bottling things up will cause more damage than good. The people who support you in your everyday life, love you very much and will want to support you through your illness. Please try not to see it as a burden. If you found out that a friend or family member was ill and they didn't tell you, you would've wanted to know and wanted to help them. I know it's scary, but please try to talk through your problems. I know if I didn't, I wouldn't be here today.

• See you doctor - If people have never sought any professional advice before, I suggest that they see their doctor to get on the road to recovery. Your doctor will have access to services and can refer you if need be. I know it's scary to talk to your doctor, but it's very important to do so. Remember that not all doctors are trained in mental health and the first doctor you see may not understand. Don't give up, see another doctor to see if they will be more understanding. 

• Counselling - usually doctors will advise counselling as a first step. Here in the UK there is a long waiting list on the NHS, nevertheless it is important to sign up because the services they offer are really beneficial. You can also find other counselling services in your area, online. Counselling can allow you to get to the root of your problems and hopefully get you on your way to recovery.

• Lifestyle changes - I know lots of people recommend lifestyle changes, which I don't completely agree with. I feel that something simple as a lifestyle change cannot help people with mental illness and counselling and medication may be the way forward. However, little changes such as diet, exercise and yoga for example can all help in their own ways.

• Medication - medication for me was a final step. I had followed all of the steps I have just written and I was still severely depressed and anxious. I couldn't keep living the way I was. Although I didn't want to take medication in the first place, I am extremely happy I did because it has changed my life for the better. Your doctor will be able to help you with this and if at first the medication doesn't work, you can always try another.

Don't be ashamed. Be proud,

Amy Xx

Calming breathing techniques

One way to reduce your levels of anxiety is through breathing techniques. Here, I have listed various different breathing techniques that may help you. Choose the right ones for you!

• Exhaling longer - the simplest technique is to exhale for longer than you breathe in. For example If you breathe in for 5 seconds, exhale for 10. Repeat this until you feel a lot calmer. 

• The box - find something that is square or rectangle in nature and focus on it. Focus on one side at a time and scan the object in a clockwise manner. If you start at the side of the object, breathe in for the length of the side of the object, then exhale for the length of the top of the object and carry on for the other two sides, inhaling and exhaling in turns.

• Numbers - with this, you follow a pattern. Start by breathing for 1 and exhaling for 2, then inhaling for 2 and exhaling for 3, then inhaling for 3 and exhaling for 4 and so forth until you get to 10 and start over again. 

These are my top three techniques. Do you have any others you'd like to share?

Mindfulness

One method I use to battle my anxiety and depression is through mindfulness.

A lot of people recommend it and although it is beneficial, I don't think it can fully cure you from your struggles.

Mindfulness is about taking time out of your day to focus on yourself and to block the world out. It provides an escape and a focus on your mental health. I find on an everyday basis I can get stressed and caught up in the happenings around me and sometimes taking time away from that is just what I need - and you can do it too!

All you need to do is find somewhere you feel calm and relaxed, such as the garden or your bedroom and find somewhere comfortable to lay or sit. Some people prefer to sit in silence, but I prefer to find some meditation or sleeping music on youtube which helps to calm me. I tend to spend around 10 - 20 minutes with my eyes closed, focusing on my breathing and the muscles in my body. I focus on my breathing through taking a shorter breath in than the breath I exhale or I use number counting to count the seconds of my breath. With my body, I tend to start at the top of my head and imagine every muscle relaxing until I get to the tip of my toes. If I feel my mind wondering, I try to bring it back by focusing on my breathing.

It may be difficult at first, but once you get it, you can feel completely refreshed, calm and sometimes even quite light!

Lots of people recommend it and I personally think it's something that is helpful to all.

Mistaken Media (stigma)

For today's post, I'll be focusing on stigma again. Recently in class there are a few things about mental health which have come up and which I feel need addressing.

1. Schizophrenia - I feel I need to reiterate again, as it was mentioned in my ethics class, that the media portrayal of schizophrenia is not the true portrayal of the majority of those with the condition; it is not a horror movie. The campaign Time To Change addresses this in more detail, in this video. Rethink has also written a Q&A on dispelling the myths, here.

2. Medication - Many presume that those on medication are those with mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. However, there are many out there that are on medication for things such as anxiety and depression too. Medication can help a range of mental illnesses and it may surprize you how many people have been or are on medication to help with their condition.

3. Types - There are so many different types of mental illness out there, such as anxiety, depression, OCD, health anxiety, manic depression, GAD and so forth alongside those which are often portrayed in the media. Often anxiety is disregarded and sometimes depression is too. It's important to reiterate that all are mental illnesses. They all can require counselling, medication and other methods to improve. 

4. Stereotypes - Again, the media is painting a negative image of mental illness. Those who go to institutions are not thrown into the back of a van in a straight jacket never to be let out again. Firstly, there are many people that are going to school and work that have a mental illness. Secondly, those who go to mental institutions, are often there voluntarily and if not, aren't taken in a straight jacket. 

5. One in four of us - mental illness is common. 1/4 people in any one year will become mentally ill. Highly likely the person you're sat next to may have a mental illness that they aren't speaking about. Your friend could have a mental illness and you not even know. Don't forget to ask them how they are now and then; it all helps. People are very good at hiding it, but it can be just as destructive as a physical illness.

It appears that the media has a massive influence on the view we have on mental illness and this is why it is so great that there are campaigns such as that of Time To Change. The media often portrays blood, guts and gore and people in straight jackets. This is not the case. It's also important to remember that those with mental illnesses are more likely to victimised by violent crime than be violent themselves. Please, spread the word and dispel the myths; you'll even be fighting the stigma if you share this post.

Society's construction

Life appears to revolve around society's expectations; what age you should get a job, the size of your body nd how you should act. Of course, there are laws to follow and things we need to do as humans, but for the most part, society is just a construction that for some reason many of us seem to follow.

I have spoken to many of my friends who think that just because another person has done something that society deems as 'grown up', they are better than them. Definitely not. People develop at different times and what one person may be able to do at the age of 18, another may not. There may not be the right circumstances nor may you feel confident enough. Nor is the action "grown up" in everyone's eyes.


As the years went on in secondary school, the more I saw those around me following the crowd, which is great if that's what makes you happy. But, I know there were many who were just doing it to please others, and I somewhat felt like a bit of an outcast. There was so much pressure to fit in and change appearance; do things that deep inside they didn't want to do. I can't deny it's hard not to bow down to peer pressure, but as time goes by you'll be glad you didn't; if you felt it wasn't right for you. 

If a person has gotten a job, for example, that's brilliant. However, not everyone will feel ready to get a job and there is nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are just as good as everyone else. As my mum says "you have the same right as anyone else to be on this planet" 

I think it's a great accomplishment if you undertake what you want to do, whether that be increasing your self esteem or getting a job; whatever makes you happy. But society is a construct and remember to look at and understand yourself first. There are bigger things in life, than what people think. Try not to compare and feel disappointed if you're not with the rest. You'll get there in your own time.

As I have said before "don't spend time caring about others opinions of you, as it will only hinder your journey and not their own". I know that this can be very hard to put into practice, but once you do, you will be able to be more of your own person. I've never followed the crowd, and perhaps that's why I got teased a lot at school. But at the end of the day, I am happy I've stuck with what I've believed in.

I know that with disorders such as social anxiety, it can be very hard not to care about what others think of you, especially with the images we are bombarded with in the media. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, as social anxiety is something I'm battling myself. But, the less you care about what others think of you, the more you'll enjoy your life. You only have one life to do what you want to do, just don't let it be hindered by other people's thoughts; it's not worth it. Remember; you have the same rights as anyone else. Let's all undertake the challenge! Go for it. 

Best Wishes,

Diary of Anxiety

This isn't usually the type of post that I would write, but I'm hoping it will still be beneficial. There are so many people out there that don't understand anxiety and it's true to say, it will never be completely understood unless you have experienced it yourself. I hope that for the sufferers of the condition you will be able to relate to this somehow and for others, I'm hoping you understand how hard it can be for some people.

A diary of anxiety

Different aspects of your life will be affected depending on what type of anxiety you have and how severe it is. For those who suffer with severe anxiety, life can be a living hell and it is with you 24/7. 

Sometimes it will be present in your sleep. Your body will be preparing for the day ahead with the flight or fight response. This means one of two things; either interrupted sleep, or feeling tired when waking up. From the moment you wake, anxiety takes action with adrenaline rushing through your veins. You wake up everyday feeling ill because your body has heightened anxiety due to the daily tasks you have to complete, such as going to school or catching public transport. 

You've put up with this anxiety for a long time now and it's tiring. You feel ill when you wake, so you don't feel like doing much. You don't feel like putting makeup on or putting more effort into the way you dress. You can only eat little, because your anxiety is just too bad and you're always exhausted. You just want to stay in a safe place, where you can be calm for a while. For many people; this is home. 

Your anxiety is so crippling and disabling that it stops you from doing anything that you love. You get heightened anxiety any time you try to attempt to do something, which often ends in a panic attack or avoidance. As a result, you end up staying at home; again. Everything in your life is constant battle with your brain. You struggle and often avoid school, public transport, driving lessons, getting a job, joining a club and speaking in front of class. 
You try with every inch of your body and all of your might, to complete a simple task as to catch a bus, but it often results in hours of emotional and physical pain and angst about the thought. 

You're always told not to compare yourself to others but sometimes you can't help but notice the people around you. When you see other people your age with jobs, going to school without a second thought and driving, you can't help but feel a little bit hopeless.

It's all well and good saying that you are in control of your destiny, but when it seems you have a great brick wall in front of your every step, your legs are heavy and you feel like you're wading through thick mud, it's extremely hard to believe. But then you wake up one morning feeling okay and this is a very rare occasion but you're feeling good. You manage to overcome some of your fears and at the end of the day you feel ecstatic. You know that this is a taste of what life should be and could be like. You feel as if you've crawled out of this deep dark hole and seen the light. You know recovery isn't going to be easy, but it's the good days you've got to hold on to. You know that even if the crippling anxiety comes back the next day, you've experienced some sort relief.

My Anxiety story

I have always been a shy person throughout the whole of my life. I've hated joining clubs and standing on stage. My teachers tried their best in trying to improve my confidence, but it was little to no help. I also believe my mental health issues began to shows signs from the age of 8 years old when I had to make sure certain things were done before I went to bed and before I got to school. 

Because I've been a shy person throughout my life, it was hard to notice a change in myself with regards to my anxiety. However, my anxiety story began at the beginning of my exams in 2012, which would have been around March. I first noticed that something was odd when I began to feel really ill every day. At first I assumed it was a virus, but soon it wouldn't go away and I constantly felt I needed to leave the classroom whilst in school. It was horrible with constant sickness, stomach aches and lack of sleep. I assumed it was exam stress, but little did I know it would continue. 

I managed to go through all of my exams and my sickness began to wear off by the time the summer holidays came around. It was the best summer I have ever had. I went to the Olympics and spent long summer days with my friends, but I still had worries in the back of my mind. One of the main worries from the Summer was sickness. In any big event or enclosed space, such as a hall or stadium I felt I needed to get out and felt really ill. I began to take paracetamol on a regular basis to try and stop the sickness, even though it had no effect - it was like a safety blanket as I begun to develop this fear of being ill in front of people.

I believe my first panic attack was on results day in 2012. I was so nervous, I couldn't breathe and was crying. I just assumed that this was nerves that got out of control. But my panic attacks continued and I remember having several over the last few months of the year when catching public transport, going to school, driving lessons, applying for jobs and going on school trips.

I joined the sixth form in September of 2012 and on the first day I felt really, really ill when I thought I was going to be sick everywhere. I was exhausted but yet again I presumed it was just nerves from starting a new year. It continued quite severely for a week or so, until it began to pass off. 

Due to my increasing anxiety and severe depression that came with it, I began to see a hypnotherapist in the last few months of 2012 and into 2013, who helped me greatly. Due to the length of the NHS waiting list, I had to use this as a treatment due to my criticality of my mental illness. If I didn't get help then, I'm not sure I would've made it to today.  

I was really enjoying sixth form, until I got to January 2013. In January I had a breakdown. I got into school one day and completely panicked. I explained to my friend that I had to go and I couldn't stay. From that day in January I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't go to school, so I had to have work sent home. I couldn't answer the phone to my teachers either. I had to cancel my driving lessons and any meetings with friends. It was hell on earth. Everything that I loved was being taken away. 

At that time, people thought I was really ill. I had been to the doctors a few times complaining of great stomach pain and generally feeling horrible. I had my bloods done and it turned out that there wasn't anything wrong with me; it was just in my head. In a weird way I was hoping for something to be wrong with me just so my problems could be solved. 

As time moved on, I slowly managed to leave my house. I remember the first time I walked to the shop at the end of the road and remembering what an amazing feeling it was. It was only a quick trip, but I left my house and paid for something. As time continued I managed to catch public transport, including going on the train to London with my Dad. I had to find some strength to fight the feeling that something terrible was going to happen to me. School was still a great problem and I went very little. Everyday was a physical and mental pain. My mum would take me to the school gate and I would have panic attacks every day and be crying with sadness and exhaustion. Sometimes I could go to school, but other times I would just sit outside the gate. It would be true to say that most of my A-Levels studies were spent outside of school rather than inside. Nevertheless, hard work and self teaching allowed me to get to university, although it was all a guessing game at the time as to whether I would even make it. 

It got to around March and I began to go back to driving lessons but getting to school was still a great problem. I struggled to step inside the building without feeling really ill and exhausted. Many people hate school and find it boring, but if I could've just gone to school with ease it would've been such an achievement.

Around the end of 2013 I began to have counselling and CBT on the NHS, which helped me immensely. I believe I had to be transferred to three different counselors and took some tests to find out that my most severe anxiety is health, followed by social anxiety and panic attacks. As some of you may have read, I left therapy in May 2014, which was an amazing feeling.

In February 2014 when my anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts were at their worst, I began to take a medication called Citalopram thanks to my Mum and I now never look back. After waiting a few weeks for the medication to work, I woke up one to day to feel a change that I can only describe to be a miracle.

Since that time I have now had two part time jobs, graduated from university with first class honours and am now doing my dream job in the emergency services. I am still on medication and continuing to battle my anxiety. Panic attacks are few and far between and I'm currently seeing a counsellor, which does help. I still experience bouts of depression and anxiety, but I'd go as far to say that I am almost recovered. Looking back now, I was once in hell - a place where I had no capabilities to enjoy any aspect of my life, and now I have moved out and am living independently - a day I never thought I would ever see. 

I hope this brief overview of my anxiety story so far, has helped you to come to terms with your own. 

Stigma

Stigma: 'A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person: "the stigma of mental disorder"'

If there's a word you can think of when mentioning mental health, it is definitely stigma. In fact this is the main issue when looking at mental health. Many people are really scared of saying anything about their mental health incase they will be judged which can become a dangerous situation to be in.

Firstly there are laws out there which protect people from discrimination, such as the laws about mental health that can be applied in the workplace. However, as you might as well know they aren't always followed. So what else is there? These laws are there for your safety and protection and if you feel you are being mistreated you can always take it to a tribunal. No one is allowed to make you feel worthless, especially in the eyes of the law.

Secondly there are many organisations out there that are trying to get rid of mental health as a 'taboo' subject. The most important campaign to me is 'Time To Change'. You may have seen the adverts on the TV and videos on YouTube, which I advise you check out if you haven't already. There is also a pledge wall which I have signed, along with stories and how you can help - even more resources to make you realise that you are not alone! Anxiety UK, is a great charity too along with Childline. 

Stigma is a massive issue when it comes to mental illness. I have had great issues when trying to explain my anxiety and people either not listening, not thinking it's a big deal and just brushing it off as if they don't have to care. But, generally people have been supportive.

Family

In terms of my family, they have been very accepting. They haven't punished me for it, or been ashamed of me. I think this is because I have a very good relationship with my family, but also there are others in the family which suffer from mental illness too. They also saw me suffer before their eyes and with anxiety, it's hard to hide anything. I never really told them upfront but I guess they just knew and/or found out and when they did find out, they didn't treat me any differently. But there were some members of my family which struggled to understand, which can be aggravating. However without them I have no idea what I'd do. They have literally saved me and I can never thank them enough for it. 

Friends

Through my anxiety, I have realised who my true friends are. I have had some friends who I never thought would help me out, but they have been the best. They've talked to me about it for hours, sent me school work and helped me in any which way they can. However, I have only told very few of my friends. I hate to say the reason why, but I guess it's because of the stigma. I'm worried about what they will think and if they will tell others. I've also had many people ask me why I've been off so much from school, but I just tend to reply with 'I have a few problems' or 'just because' or 'when I'm better I will explain' and as t's such a sensitive subject, and I rather keep it close.

Teachers

I never thought my teachers would be so helpful. My Mum and Grandma sent the school cards! I expect most if not all of the teachers don't understand my situation and they could easily just say I couldn't be bothered or remove me from the school, but they have been amazing and I can't thank them enough. Whether you like school or not, your teachers will have an impact on you for the rest of you life and you must understand that they are there to help you. If you feel you can't talk to your parents, then talk to your teachers. My teachers have been wonderful by organizing separate rooms for my exams, sending work home, calling me, checking if i'm okay in lessons; the list is endless! The thing I've been most grateful for is that they've talked to me. At the end of lessons they've asked how I am, that they're here if I need to talk and so on. One of my teachers even spoke to me about the stigma. He said 'This first thing you think people are going to think of you is crazy, but that's not true at all.' 

What I'm trying to say, is that yes there will be stigma and it definitely hurts because you know that you cannot help it. But the thing is, it's because people don't understand and this is why I'd really like it to be taught in schools and the workplace. You have to understand that you are bigger and better than anything anyone can say to you, and you've got this. If I can do it, so can you. I've been to darkest places of life, and I'm slowly getting there. So don't give up, and don't listen to the rubbish people reel out. It is extremely painful and angers you immensely when people say inconsiderate things about your health, but understand you are stronger. I know you may be worried about the stigma if you talk about your health, but believe me it's not as bad as you think; there are people out there to support you and it's never as bad as you presume, just look at the support I have had!

You must speak to someone, whether it be your family, teachers, friends, or even me. You will be better off with the support.

Why do I have anxiety?

Anyone suffering with anxiety, depression and any other related illness will ask the question 'why do I have this?'

I've asked this question about anxiety...many times! My therapists have tended to say that we mustn't look at the past, but the present. However the main point that has been repeated to me, is that you may never know why you have anxiety. I can understand that this isn't the answer we were all hoping for, but it's a very complex matter.

Some people can identify a time in their life which sparked off their problems, such as a parents divorce or a loss of a job. However for many people they will never be a hundred percent sure, or just have no clue. What's always been told to me is it tends to be a range of things that build up until we go 'bang' which in this case would be the cause of the anxiety.

It would be true to say that you could sit with a councillor and trawl through the past to find when it all happened, and perhaps find a trigger which may a hard task for some. But by starting at the roots of the problem, you can figure out a solution.

What are panic attacks?

Definition of a panic attack: 'A sudden feeling of acute and disabling anxiety.'

Panic attacks are part of the flight or fight system as I mentioned in a previous post titled 'What is Anxiety?'. Panic attacks arise due to the rush of adrenaline that you get due to the fight or flight system that we face in an fearful situation and we have this system due to our time as cavemen. When we were going to be attacked by a bear for example, we would have the choice to fight or run and this is what the adrenaline is for. It gives us an extra push to perform the actions we need to do to survive. However, for many anxiety sufferers this fight or flight system arises even when there is no danger at all. For example, you could be in a crowded place, or about to take part in a big event and you feel overwhelming anxiety. This situation you are in poses no threat, yet your body sends a rush of adrenaline. Many people may now be asking, 'well, what's the problem with that?' Often panic attack sufferers will end up not being able to breathe, feeling sick, light headed, crying, and eventually really tired due to the exhaustion. For many panic attack sufferers, their senses highten and for others they become quite confused. As with anxiety in general, each symptom depends on the person. Panic attacks drain all of your energy and can make sufferers feel quite ill. This sickness feeling comes from the digestive system slowing down due to the adrenaline. 

Panic attacks can last for a few minutes to many hours. They can also be on and off. 

Panic attacks tend to prevent some people from doing what they love as they are afraid that they will experience a panic attack whilst out and about and this again is very disabling for a person. The reason why people think this way is because the flight and fight system often repeats itself and forms a pattern in your reactions. For example, if you had a panic attack in a Mall, the next time you visit, it is highly likely that you will experience another one, even though there was no danger present at either time. 

As always, thanks for reading.

What is Anxiety?

Definition of Anxiety - 'A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.'

You will have heard many of your friends and family talk about being nervous or anxious before a big event, such as an exam, driving test or first date. It is completely normal for a human to experience periods of anxiety before such events. Sometime during the event and by the time the event is over, the anxiety will have disappeared. However there are some people who tend to be in an almost permanent state of anxiety. These are the people like you and I who suffer with anxiety as a condition. The anxiety may be triggered by specific places or events such as school, going to a shop and meeting friends.

Anxiety can come in different severities too, from mild to severe. People who suffer with mild anxiety can still get on with their lives and tend to only experience anxiety before big events. But as we move down the scale, the worse the anxiety gets until we reach severe anxiety. Severe anxiety can result in not being able to leave the house, not being able to go on public transport and not even having the ability to talk to someone on the phone. It stops practically everything you want to do. I have experienced this severity of anxiety.

There are many different symptoms which come with anxiety including: loss of appetite, dizziness, sickness, tender stomach and lack of sleep. No person is the same. Not every symptom will be present in each person and its severity will differ from person to person. An additional symptom can be depression which is caused by the anxiety. This can also go from mild to severe. 

Anxiety is based upon what is known as the 'fight or flight' system. This fight or flight system comes from when we were cavemen. This system will tell us whether to run, or fight the situation and the person will tend to have a lot of adrenaline in order to deal with what they are facing. The difference with an anxiety sufferer is that this adrenaline tends to be present in almost every situation, even if the situation presents no threat.

It is also important for an anxiety sufferer to get lots of sleep. I understand that it's very hard to sleep when you are suffering with the condition, but whilst you are sleeping you undergo REM (rapid eye movement) which is essential in order to relieve your anxiety, as it is the body's way of getting dealing with the stress from that day. 

Some sufferers will have an anxiety disorder for many years, others for a few weeks or months and recovery has no time limit. Personally I believe that I am at a good stage in my recovery. It has taken me over a year to get where I am today and I hope that this post has improved your understanding of anxiety. If there is anything else I can help with or you need me to explain further, let me know. I'm here to help!