A whole lot of chitty chat

Hello guys! As you may know I have recently written a blog post for Anna from 'A Whole Lot Of Chitty Chat'. I thought it would be a good idea if Anna would write a blog post for my blog too, in the hope that it will help others in regards to what you're experiencing with anxiety, but also to let you know of a great blogger!

Hello Amy's lovely readers, by the looks of her twitter followers there could be a lot of you! I love reading Amy's blog & I can totally relate to her just like many others can too I'm sure :)

I approached Amy & asked her if she would like to do a post for my blog which she happily got involved in & sent me a post, which is now up over on my blog.

So now it is my turn, I didn't approach Amy with the hope that she would want me to do a post for her blog too, not at all. But I feel happy that she asked me to do one in return. I approached Amy in the hope she would say yes & so I could then help spread the word & share her blog with my readers.

So now we are on track & know what is going on, I'll tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Anna, I'm 21 & I blog over at A Whole Lot Of Chitty Chat. I started blogging at the start of this year when to be honest I felt very little purpose in my life. That was when my blog was created, I thought it would be a good place to share my thoughts. Then I actually started sharing my blog about a bit over on twitter & started gaining readers. Now I not only blog for myself but for others, others who probably like yourself feel so alone in your situation. You are never alone :)

Just like Amy, I suffer with anxiety. I first started noticing when I was around the age of 16/17. I know how hard life can be for those affected. You can feel so misunderstood, you can feel so alone. But that really doesn't have to be the case. You shouldn't have to suffer in silence either. If you don't feel comfortable speaking about your struggles openly, why not maybe start a blog anonymously just like Amy?

I think blogging is a great way to have a voice & a little place to build a friendship & become part of a community. I'm currently building friendships with a few lovely girls who also blog, it is fantastic!

I do blog mainly about mental health & the effect it has on my life but I now blog weekly about my driving lessons & do a post every Sunday called Sit Down Sunday which is where I just reflect on everything good about that week. For a little while I had a routine for the days of the week I would blog on but sometimes life is unexpected & changes. Plus having a routine kind of takes away the fun in blogging & just adds pressure! Pressure is not fun.

I'm going to leave my post at that & hope I haven't bored anyone to sleep. Oh & well done if you managed to read to the end. I feel that was really higgledy piggledy so I apologise :)

Thanks for having me over on your blog Amy & thanks to your readers for hopefully reading this post :)

Anna ♥

You can find me over on twitter @awholelotof_

Find my blog over at http://awholelotofchittychat.blogspot.co.uk/

If you do check out my blog leave me a little comment saying you've come from Amy's blog :)

Thank you Anna for writing. it just shows there are many people going through the same experience as you.

On the rampage (stigma)

A few months ago, I did a three part series on stigma which you can find below:

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3

This post however, I have felt the need to write after mental health coming up in a few discussions in class and it appears that quite a few people still have the impression that everyone with a mental illness is a person who is running around on a rampage. How wrong they are! This post will hopefully clear it up for anyone who still has the idea of such a stereotype. I am not an expert in every field of mental illness and I am still learning about my own every day, but I aim to get rid of some myths in today's post. In this post by Time To Change, it dispels some myths about mental illness and I advise you to take a look.

In the meantime, here are a few of my personal favourite mental myth busting facts:  

1. People who are mentally ill are violent - The majority are not violent. People with mental health are more likely to be victimised. From hearing in discussions, when people talk about mental illness they just think of violence and horror movies. I suffer mainly with anxiety as a mental illness and I am not violent. My Auntie who suffers with depression is not a person whom goes around like you see in the horror movies either. As can be seen in the dispute between Asda and Tesco with their halloween costumes, the majority of people with a mental illness are not like that. We are normal people. Mental illness doesn't define me. I am not a mental illness. I am me, with mental illness being something I must deal with. I find it very sad when the first words that people come out with when thinking about mental illness is: dangerous, violent and crazy. Too often the use of the word mental and comparing a person to someone in a mental institution is just reinforcing the stereotype. They are many in institutions who are suffering with conditions such as eating disorders and depression. It gives an increasing importance to get rid of the stigma.

2. If you're mentally ill, you would've been sectioned - not the case. There are many people with eating disorders, anxiety, depression and others that are not sectioned. There is often help within the community, people who go to therapy sessions and so on. Many can live a next to normal life.

3. You can see if someone's mentally ill - not true. If you saw me you wouldn't even guess it. I've had many a friend tell me 'I would never have expected it to be you'. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean there's no effect.The videos below from Time To Change may help you to have a new outlook, if not already. 

Best Wishes,

My phobia of school!

I am going to write in more detail about my severe battle with school to help others understand. I know from the outside, this 'fear' of school appears somewhat impossible. It can appear as if you're not bothered and that you're skipping school, but this is not true at all. 

I have always enjoyed school for as long as I can remember. I was also quite obsessive about school to the extent that I wouldn't miss a day of school. I wouldn't go on holiday and the only time I would ever take a day off is when I was really ill, but even then I would sometimes still go to school. I couldn't bare to take a day off in the fear I may miss something really important. My uniform was always correct and I would do and still do every single piece of work set, revision and extra study. Never in all my time at secondary school did I get a detention either, as I ensured I did every piece of work and behaved in class. Of course, I was teased quite a bit in school because of what I was like, but now I'm older it doesn't really bother me as I got the grades I deserved because of my attitude towards education. These grades are more important than ever bowing down to any peer pressure. So, now you can see why having a year off school (on and off) is not typical of me.


From around the age of 8, I began to have slight problems with school, however I would still go to school everyday and be just as dedicated. These problems I faced with school reduced quite a bit until I turned 17, almost 10 years later. 

One day I was walking to school and I got to the sixth form where I began to have a panic attack. I explained that I had to leave and walked home. From that day in January, I have never gone back to way I used be. From that day forward I became increasingly anxious towards school and had more negative thoughts in connection with school too. I felt like the world around me was falling apart. I knew that other areas of my life were being affected by anxiety and now it was affecting my education too. It just happened overnight. 

In January 2013 I had a breakdown and I couldn't face school at all. I had a mental block. The best way I can explain a mental block is through the following example: You're on top the empire state building. You have been ordered to jump off the building with no safety equipment and you know that you will die if you do so. The feeling you get when someone is trying to push you forward and you are resisting; that fear of your body screaming 'NO' is the fear I get every single day. The mental block makes it very hard mentally and physically to get out of the door.This mental block can also come and go throughout the school term, especially when I'm trying to get to school after a break. 

From that day in January, I have now been to school and on and off. I have had work sent home, teachers talking to me and phoning me, numerous sessions of counselling and CBT, medication and methods of coping. I have also been given leeway as to being allowed to arrive to school later, separate rooms for my exams and being able leave if I need to. This has helped me a lot! 

So, what exactly happens? Every day of school, I often have a bad nights sleep. This often means restless or little sleep. I wake up with absolute dread, fear, exhaustion and lack of motivation. I feel really ill; like I'm going to be sick. I feel tired and fed up. Before I go to school, I often begin to breathe rapidly, my heart is racing and adrenaline is rushing. This is typical of the flight or fight system and is where the problem lies. Firstly, this makes you very tired and second of all, these feelings of being ill makes you believe you are ill and so you feel you can't leave the house. My legs are heavy and I feel as if there is a brick wall in front of me. My Mum will try absolutely everything to get me out of the door, from persuasion to reassurance. Once I'm in the car, I will often put up quite a fight to not get out of the car due to the fear being so massive. I will say and do anything to get out of the situation. The majority of days I will just sit outside of the school gates as the power of my anxiety is too overwhelming to do otherwise. However, there are days when I will be able to understand my anxiety and get to school. Once I'm in the school gates, the feeling of sickness and panic will be with me for at least half an hour until it begins to reduce and my symptoms begin to subside. However, these can come back throughout the day. I'm sure you can imagine how depressing and hellish this would be; feeling ill, exhausted, not looking forward to going to school, people being disappointed, people being stressed and missing out on memories.

The thing with anxiety is that you might as well be in prison. You spend days on end inside a house going through torture through your own head. The worst bit is that you haven't done anything wrong. You look out of your window, and you see people going to school and you're stuck in the house. You can't even get an education or do what you love.

"You know this fear is irrational, right?" I know full well that school is just a building with amazing and supportive people inside, but for some reason my body will just go into a complete irrational state. It's so hard to explain. If I could leave the house, I would. But again it is the irrational fear. Firstly, it's the worry that I am going to be ill and secondly I can also have a mental block as mentioned above. It so frustrating as it can be so debilitating to the extent that you cannot walk towards the door. 

I know from the outside, it seems completely stupid but it is something I have to battle and is very real. I continue to work extremely hard outside of school to maintain my grades. You have to show people that you can still accomplish what you want in life.

Best Wishes and keep fighting!