Do you know what's happened?

It's been a long time since I've reflected and had a proper catch up with you all, so I thought I'd include you all in this roller coaster of a few months.

  • I passed my theory test and only have a week to go until my practical driving test (I'll let you know how it goes!) I had to retake my theory because it ran out after two years. Fortunately with enough preparation, I passed it first time again. I feel I have gotten to the stage with my anxiety where I can tackle my driving. This is something which would have given me major panic attacks before, but this is no longer the case. Hallelujah! 
  • I passed the first year of my Law degree with a 2:1 across all of my modules. I am about to embark into my second year in a new house and living with some amazing people I met during my freshers. Here's hoping I can keep my grades up! This year I chose my optional modules to be medical and family law. 
  • I currently work in my local charity shop whilst I am home from university as a volunteer. This was a big step for me to take as having a job is at the top of my anxiety hierarchy as the thing that triggers my anxiety the most. However, on the first day of the job I had next to no anxiety. My step for next Summer is to get a paid job!
  • I did a week's work experience in a Law firm called Bond Dickinson, which proved to be very beneficial and took me out of my comfort zone even further.
  • For those of you who followed my sponsored cycle to Germany, know that I had to undertake one of the biggest challenges of my anxiety journey which was to find myself across Germany and get on a plane back to England, completely alone. I have no idea how I managed it, but I did. Very proud!
  • I am coming up to a one year anniversary, which again is something I'd never think would be possible with all of my anxiety issues, but yet here I am! I have been very lucky to meet a person who has helped me through every step of my recovery and has been understanding and caring too. (And Mum, I haven't forgotten about you either of course!)

Apart from my depression being an issue for the first month of the holidays, I am slowly getting back on track and tackling my anxiety as each day goes by. I have still had days where I have been very anxious and days when depression has been a cloud over my head, but I am getting there. It's hard to think that I was once a girl, aged seventeen who couldn't leave her house and walk to the shops. Now, I am a girl at age nineteen who is living alone, travelling alone, learning to drive and working. I never thought I'd see the day and I am extremely proud. I have come to far and I never thought it would be possible, so thank you to everyone who has helped me along the way - you will never be forgotten and your help and support has been the best gift I could ever asked for. If anything can give you hope, it's your strength from within and the knowledge that others have made it through. I hope I get there soon enough!

You can do it. I have no doubt,
Amy Xx

The meet up

I can't believe I haven't written a post about this yet. As many of you will know, I held a blogger meet up in London in which there were only three of us in total! There were many more expected, but unfortunately a lot were working or were too anxious to make it on the day.

Nevertheless, I will definitely be holding another meet up in the not so distant future and hopefully on a weekend when less people will be working. The meet up itself was very beneficial with the sharing of ideas and the understanding that you are talking to other people who have been through similar. It is an amazing feeling knowing that you are not alone. The sharing of ideas about how to combat mental illness was also extremely helpful. I walked away from the experience feeling extremely uplifted, not only for holding the meet up, but for talking to others who have been through similar and we all came out stronger because of it. 

Let me know if you'd be interested in another meetup and I will see what I can do. Until then, stay strong and keep going. There are many people in a similar boat to you or have been and have come out alive - something which I found out when I spoke to them a few weeks ago.

Amy xx

The art of postive thinking

I've been involved recently in an experiment, an experiment that I've created myself with the basis of positivity. 

How many times have you heard people saying; "just cheer up" or think positively and it will all be fine? I know full well that this isn't possible for everyone and at every stage of life, especially in the case of depression. Trust me, it angers me more than anything when people tell me just to "be happy" when I am depressed. However, positivity definitely makes a big impact on your life if you can enforce it. 

When it came to the revision of my A-level exams, I had felt very defeatist and like I was fighting a losing battle. However, I know that if I gave up, I would never have a chance at getting success. Second of all and perhaps the biggest change to my mindset, was that instead of staying down and in pity when an essay didn't go well, or a grade went down, I would have my moment and then begin again. Don't get me wrong, it is extremely hard to find the strength in yourself to get back up, even when you feel nothing is going your way. However, it's possible and you can do it. For a while now I have been trying out this positive mindset and it has helped tremendously. It takes a lot of work and training, but it should have a beneficial impact. 

Another way in which I have tried to train my brain is through writing speeches which I can read to myself every morning. It's proven that by feeding yourself with positive thoughts your doubts will fail to exist. 

There is a big difference between battling depression and thinking positively and it's important to make this distinction. Because, telling someone who is battling depression to think positively, will just make things worse.

Amy. Xx

Liebster award #2

I got nominated again for the Liebster award!

1. What is your favourite thing about blogging?
I think it's a great form of expression, which otherwise you freely wouldn't be able to do. I have also met so many people who have been through or who are going through similar situations to me, which hasn't only helped me, but those around me.
2. What is your must have beauty product?
I'm not a massive fan of beauty products, but I suppose it would have to be my Nivea primer. It works super well and you've got to have a solid base to build upon, right?!
3. What is the most worn item in your wardrobe?
Just recently, I've thrown away quite a few of my old tops because of the move to university and the memories that they hold. But, I reckon it must be my red tartan winter jacket. It must be at least five years old. The pockets have holes in, but I just love it too much to ever get rid of it!
4. Favourite movie?
It has to be Bend it like Beckham. It reminds me of my childhood and it's definitely a happy go lucky film. I could watch it forever. I wish they made a second one, or at least one with the same cast.
5. Would you start a YouTube channel?
I would like to, but I'm not sure I have the confidence. I write this blog anonymously, but I'd like my YouTube channel to be related to my blog somehow. It would requite me being in the video. Perhaps when I finally feel comfortable showing myself, then I will think about setting up a YouTube channel as it seems an opportunity full of experiences
6. Your favourite restaurant / place to eat out?
This is difficult. I'm not sure whether it's a chain restaurant, but it's called Pierre's. It's a french restaurant which does the most amazing food.
7. What is your favourite place/country that you have traveled to?
I would like to say that I remember America quite well, but unfortunately I don't. My favourite place other than that is probably London or in terms of a country, Italy.
8. Your favourite quote?
There's way too many that I like!
9. What would you like to be doing in 5 years time?
Finish my training as a lawyer or be in the police force. I think It's more towards the police force than anything else, which is something I've wanted to do since I was seven years old. But above all, happy I suppose.
10. Your favourite book?
The Noughts and Crosses series. The first book in the series is the only one that has ever made me cry. 
11. Do you have any pets?
No. But I would love to.

Amy Xx