Journey of depression

Unlike some people, my depression came about as a result of my severe anxiety that I faced. However, I would say that my suicidal thoughts and depression were felt as young as the age of 15, before my anxiety even became such a detrimental problem. At the time, I didn't tend to pay much attention, I just knew that I was in a very dark place at times. Luckily, these were far and few between until my breakdown at the age of 17.

As soon as my anxiety became so severe that I couldn't leave the house, my depression crept in and took over my whole being and there was nothing I could do about it. Everything in my life was taken away by my anxiety including school, friends, driving, picking up the phone, answering the door and even walking to the end of my road. I couldn't do anything and to be stuck inside and incapable of doing anything triggered my depression to a severe extent.

It's difficult to describe what depression is if you haven't experienced it yourself, but I have tried my best to summarize it, here

It was when the sky was blue and yet everything was dark. For me, it meant not caring for my appearance, always wearing black, having sleeping troubles, always feeling tired, having no motivation to do anything I loved (not that I had much ability to do that anyway!), loss of weight, endless crying, hysterics, not being able to get out of bed, loss of control, suicidal thoughts and some self harm. I was in a very troubled and dangerous place for my existence. The depression and mental health struggles I faced were absolute hell, and I was often pulled between the pillars of life and death on a regular basis. Keeping going was an immense struggle. However, I am glad I did.

I remember days and days where I wouldn't be interested in anything and I would just sleep to get some rest bite. I also remember times when my counselor had to come to my home because I was in such a terrible depressive state that I couldn't get outside. I must admit I hated filling in the depression and suicidal forms when I felt in such a bad way. But, I know they were there to look after me, along side my family, friends and teachers and I thank them greatly. 

Nowadays, as my anxiety has reduced and I am on medication, my depressive episodes are few and far between. However, I can find depression creeping up on me randomly and for no reason at all. Unfortunately, depression runs in the family and this is something that I continue to battle.

For those of you who know what depression is like, you'll know exactly what I have and can go through and for those of you that haven't, I hope you never ever have to, but please still educate yourself on this matter. For all of those fighting the immense struggle, please keep going. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I was once in your position and now I am well on my way to recovery. I know you can do it too. Trust me on this!

Keep going - life can be beautiful.
Amy Xx


Tips for a good day!

Here's my top tips for a good start to the day!

1. Music - brighten your morning with your favourite upbeat songs or favourite playlist. I have created a morning playlist which helps me to get going in the morning. Music can really affect your mood and it's always great to have little dance whilst you're getting ready.

2. Look after yourself - You always feel better if you put a little bit more effort into your appearance. Of course, this is subjective. For me however, it's paying more attention to my outfit, hair, makeup and hygiene. I always feel more ready for the day that way.

3. Breakfast - having a good breakfast is always a good start. Not only for your health, but in getting yourself ready for the day. It provides energy, but also helps you to have some sort of routine.

4. Yoga - I always find that doing some yoga in the morning is a great start to the day. Not only does it get the blood pumping, but wakes you up. It also helps to get you in the right mindset. If course, there are other types of activity that may work in the same way for you.

5. Active - by getting straight out of bed as soon as your wake up and leaving the house as soon as you've finished getting ready, you'll feel better for not wasting the day and not feel as groggy. I always find that I much more productive that way.

What university has taught me!

I have developed so much since I have been to university. It has taught me so much and I have overcome my expectations as an anxiety sufferer too and I'd like to share them with you:

1. House hunting! (which makes me feel old)
2. Paying rent and bills - scary (not really!)
3. Making complaints (and standing up for yourself such as the time our flat was accused of locking ourselves inside our dorm?!)
4. Meeting tonnes of new people and not being anxious about it.
5. Nights out, which I didn't have to go along with if I didn't want to.
4. Realizing how expensive food shopping actually is.
5. Practically living on delayed trains.
6. Sleeping being changed to the day and it being non-existent at night.
7. Cooking (although I could burn cereal, apparently)
8. Coping with work, which is expected.
9. How to compromise.
10. How to budget! 

Are you going to university?
Amy Xx