Cognital behaviour therapy

I know the phrase sounds scary, but the therapy itself is not. 

I often get asked what therapy and counselling I have had which has helped me through my anxiety and depression. One of the most successful therapies has been CBT or cognital behaviour therapy.

CBT is a form of therapy which has the aim of changing the way in which your brain reacts to certain situations; allowing you to have emotional regulation where you might not have had it before. In other words, if you have a specific phobia that causes your anxiety, this therapy would aim in helping you to change your reaction to it in order to deal with it in the future. Your reaction may not be a conscious choice and so it will attempt to rewire how you would subconsciously react to it.

I first came into contact with CBT when I was an outpatient of the NHS. At the time I had severe anxiety, meaning that I could hardly leave the house and wasn’t going to school. I was requested to make a list of what caused me the least anxiety to what triggered me the most. If I remember correctly, I put catching a bus at the bottom and getting a job as the most severe. Over many months and working with my therapist, I repeatedly put myself in the situations that were causing me anxiety and over time, with the more exposure I had, the less anxious I became.

It does seem very black and white, but the process of exposure isn’t a very straightforward one. Some days you’ll be able to handle a situation and then the next you won’t. But it’s all about having the will power to work through and not give up, or else you’ll find the therapy won’t work.

I was often given worksheets which I would have to fill out before every situation I felt anxious for. I would rate how I was feeling before and how it actually went afterwards. I delved into the reasons why I felt that way and whether it was a rational thought. Over time, your brain rewires it’s reactions. All of my triggers once gave me so much anxiety that I would have panic attacks and all the symptoms that came with it. But through the intense one to one therapy I now don’t even give any of these scenarios a second thought...amazing!

CBT isn’t for everyone, but it does take immense effort for it to work, so you should ensure to give it some time before no longer engaging. You’ll find that the therapy is available on the NHS and privately, if you’re interested. Still to this day, I honestly believe that this was one of the greatest stepping stones I have undertaken in my progress to better mental health. It might not be for everyone but it’s certainly worth a try.

The historical pandemic

What we are experiencing now is history. It is something many of us never thought we would experience in our lifetimes and the last time the world had to come together in such as way can only be lightly likened to the world war. 

The current pandemic is showing us much more than just the statistics that we see on the news. We have seen the best and worst of humanity over these past few months and I like to think that most of it, is positive. At points, we have shown our true colours and allowed our selfishness to shine through with our stockpiling and seeing friends and family 'because it won't affect us'. But we have also seen so much community. We have built numerous hospitals, the government has paid for the majority of wages, all of our key workers have come together to heal the sick and thousands of volunteers have come forward to help. Neighbours are looking out for each other and people are praising the NHS like never before.

We have had to change how we are living in every way. Children are no longer going to school and people are no longer going to work, families are spending more time together than ever and exams have been cancelled. Not every change is beneficial for the individual itself and I do understand that there are stresses that this brings, but by doing so we can be saving thousands of lives.

It's important to take stock of this time. We are unlikely to get this amount of time to work on ourselves, make change and spend time with our families, ever again. We get so caught up in the busyness of daily life that having this emptiness can make us feel lost and have no purpose, but perhaps now is the time to really understand what it is that we want and how we can improve. Take the chance to be at one with nature and just sit still.

Keep sticking to the advice and rules and these restrictions will be lifted sooner or later. At the end of the day we cannot change situation, but only adapt and accept it. This is a small price to pay for saving a person that someone can't bear to be without. 

Remember, just because there may have to be physical distance, doesn't mean that there has to be distance between how you communicate. It's a tough and worrying time for all involved so make sure you reach out.

Look after yourselves.

I'm not where I want to be

We all have to do things in life that we don't want to do. Some of us have to undertake more of what we loathe than others to get to where we want and we also cannot change the basic hand that has been dealt to us.

I often find myself thinking that I’m not where I want to be. I’m not at the top of my career or have the physique I want and I don’t have a house or live in my preferred area. At the same time I can find myself comparing my progress with others. In reality though, we can’t have everything we want at the click of our fingers. Not everyone gets given inheritance or the same metabolism and not everyone starts at the same band braket or gets a choice in where they can live. It’s all about making the best of your situation and trying to be the best you can be at the time.

I was once told to look at things as boxes. If you cannot change the situation, then put it in a box. There is no point wasting energy on something that won’t change no matter how hard you try. If you can change it, then action something. There’s no point in complaining about something that you can change. Of course this is easier said than done, because emotions are often hard to regulate, but it does simplify a situation. In the same way that the past is the past and there is nothing you can do to change it so don’t continue to use your energy from today, on that...again, easier said than done.

Sometimes we have to experience things that we don’t want to get to where we want in the end. Whether that be doing a job or training that you’re not keen on or working overtime to save for that house. Unfortunately it’s a part of life and the sooner that can be understood that there is no other potential outcome, the less stress that you will put on yourself. We don’t all start at the same start line and your progress will be different to the next persons and that’s ok. You wouldn’t want to live exactly like them anyway!

In reality, all we have is now. The past has gone and the future doesn’t exist. We all plan for things that have varying factors that could change the state of play. What we can do however, is put our most into the things we can change now in order to affect any future outcomes and enjoy what we have. Once upon a time you probably dreamt of what you have now. You may not be where you want to be, but if you can honestly say you are trying your best to get to where you want, then you’re on the right track.