University is real life, but it's also only exposing you to a certain side of it. Although you can experience the darkness that life has to offer, it just doesn't have the same tinge to it as it does outside of the university bubble; I guess this is the post university blues. At university if you're lucky, you have three years of studying a subject you love, meeting new people, trying new things and not having to worry too much about money or finding a job. The real world is another three years away and it's not something that you need to concern yourself with. You know that in one way or another, your parents, friends or the university itself will have your back. Whether that be problems with rent, exams or friends, there's always an immediate fallback. Although it doesn't feel like this at the time and you do feel solely independent, the university was always involved in some way or another, whether that be grants, exams, events or renting out the house you were staying in, unless you went private. Even so there would be a university service to help you with that. This isn't to say without a university that there is no organisation out there to help, because there is. But perhaps it's not as immediately accessible and you didn't always have them watching over you.Now that I've finished university, I am beginning to realise that I am not in a bubble anymore and it's a pretty hard lesson to learn when you've acclimatised to something for three years. I no longer get grants from the government, live with my friends, or only have to worry about my upcoming exam. I now have to get a job to pay the bills, am back living with my parents away from all of my university friends and worrying about what I am to do next in my life. University almost felt like a euphoric side of life in which I would still have extremely bad moments, but it's nothing that couldn't be solved and now it almost seems like I'm on my own again. I know I have my family and friends to rely on, but I don't have a big organisation to protect my back. I no longer have a three year break to figure out my future, but am now thrusted into the middle of it, working to buy more time to figure out which direction I'm going in.
I guess I feel like this as intensely as I do because I have almost been ripped away from everything I've known for three years and have almost lost my independence because I'm back living at home in the place where everything went wrong. But, I know I haven't gone backwards because I have still achieved everything I have and that can't be taken away from me. But, what I do feel is young and trapped because I feel I am not developing and that is only something that I can change, and am changing over the next few months; to moving and becoming independent again and to applying to my dream job. It will just take time. There is nothing to say that I can't feel the way I did at university ever again, I just need to set the wheels in motion to make it happen, and with time and being as determined as I am, I'm sure I can. University will always be a fond memory, but there is nothing to say that I can't experience the feelings that university gave me, ever again.
Amy Xx
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