Do people really understand?

As mentioned in previous posts, some people may not understand and this is why there is stigma, discrimination and bullying.

The problem is you will only know what it feels like if you experience it. However there are some great people out there such as your therapists, friends and family who will all try their best to understand and support you. You could have all of the information in the world on the topic, but still not fully understand it.

The best thing you can do to help a person understand is to try and explain it to them simply. You could use the flight or fight system as a short example. Of course, they may still find this weird...after all, panicking about getting into a car may seem strange to another person. The way my mum explained it to my teachers is likening it to a phobia. When I had severe problems with getting into school, my mum explained that it's like having a phobia of spiders. You're scared of them, but you don't know why.

The many people who support you and love you will try their best to understand and even if they don't, they will still continue to support you. As you've read in the last post, there are a few family members and friends that don't understand and have said that to me, but are still ever so kind. But there are people that won't understand and may be quite ignorant about it and that is their problem. Until they've experienced it themselves, they will never know. They may make sweeping statements or get angry - just ignore it and try to explain to them if they're willing. Not everybody is going to understand your situation, just like not every person understands every single maths problem.

Remember that you need support throughout your recovery, not people who don't care and this is where you have to be a little bit selfish. Keep going!

How will people react to me?

In the last post we covered the idea of stigma and you would be correct in saying that stigma is a reaction of mental illness. However, in this blog post I want to talk about how people react to your mental illness journey. I've split this into two: People being fed up and people who don't think before they speak.

The people who are supporting you, love you and want to be there every step of the way. Unfortunately, we are all humans and we cannot sustain such support for a long period of time. We all need time to ourselves. What I've found is that occasionally friends and family will become tired, have a shorter temper and want time alone. Just because they are a bit fed up, doesn't mean they love you any less or care for you any less. Some have even indirectly said that they can't take it anymore. They will support you 100% of the time and just because they may be finding it hard to see you suffering, doesn't mean they have stopped supporting. They are just charging their batteries to help you further! Don't give up on yourself. 

There have also been times when what has been said is possibly inconsiderate and insensitive.  When something inconsiderate is said, I just try to brush it off and argue that it's them who has the problem. For example, I'll speak about my problems, if it's topic of conversation. However when I told about my troubled thoughts, I got told that I wasn't the person to be expected to have these problem and everything carried on as normal. I put it down to a lack of understanding that leads to a lack of compassion.

You are not to blame for your situation and sometimes people will sometimes say things that they don't think about before hand.

Remember, your friends and family may have helped you through your hardest times, so don't forget to help them when they're feeling a bit fed up.

Stigma

Stigma: 'A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person: "the stigma of mental disorder"'

If there's a word you can think of when mentioning mental health, it is definitely stigma. In fact this is the main issue when looking at mental health. Many people are really scared of saying anything about their mental health incase they will be judged which can become a dangerous situation to be in.

Firstly there are laws out there which protect people from discrimination, such as the laws about mental health that can be applied in the workplace. However, as you might as well know they aren't always followed. So what else is there? These laws are there for your safety and protection and if you feel you are being mistreated you can always take it to a tribunal. No one is allowed to make you feel worthless, especially in the eyes of the law.

Secondly there are many organisations out there that are trying to get rid of mental health as a 'taboo' subject. The most important campaign to me is 'Time To Change'. You may have seen the adverts on the TV and videos on YouTube, which I advise you check out if you haven't already. There is also a pledge wall which I have signed, along with stories and how you can help - even more resources to make you realise that you are not alone! Anxiety UK, is a great charity too along with Childline. 

Stigma is a massive issue when it comes to mental illness. I have had great issues when trying to explain my anxiety and people either not listening, not thinking it's a big deal and just brushing it off as if they don't have to care. But, generally people have been supportive.

Family

In terms of my family, they have been very accepting. They haven't punished me for it, or been ashamed of me. I think this is because I have a very good relationship with my family, but also there are others in the family which suffer from mental illness too. They also saw me suffer before their eyes and with anxiety, it's hard to hide anything. I never really told them upfront but I guess they just knew and/or found out and when they did find out, they didn't treat me any differently. But there were some members of my family which struggled to understand, which can be aggravating. However without them I have no idea what I'd do. They have literally saved me and I can never thank them enough for it. 

Friends

Through my anxiety, I have realised who my true friends are. I have had some friends who I never thought would help me out, but they have been the best. They've talked to me about it for hours, sent me school work and helped me in any which way they can. However, I have only told very few of my friends. I hate to say the reason why, but I guess it's because of the stigma. I'm worried about what they will think and if they will tell others. I've also had many people ask me why I've been off so much from school, but I just tend to reply with 'I have a few problems' or 'just because' or 'when I'm better I will explain' and as t's such a sensitive subject, and I rather keep it close.

Teachers

I never thought my teachers would be so helpful. My Mum and Grandma sent the school cards! I expect most if not all of the teachers don't understand my situation and they could easily just say I couldn't be bothered or remove me from the school, but they have been amazing and I can't thank them enough. Whether you like school or not, your teachers will have an impact on you for the rest of you life and you must understand that they are there to help you. If you feel you can't talk to your parents, then talk to your teachers. My teachers have been wonderful by organizing separate rooms for my exams, sending work home, calling me, checking if i'm okay in lessons; the list is endless! The thing I've been most grateful for is that they've talked to me. At the end of lessons they've asked how I am, that they're here if I need to talk and so on. One of my teachers even spoke to me about the stigma. He said 'This first thing you think people are going to think of you is crazy, but that's not true at all.' 

What I'm trying to say, is that yes there will be stigma and it definitely hurts because you know that you cannot help it. But the thing is, it's because people don't understand and this is why I'd really like it to be taught in schools and the workplace. You have to understand that you are bigger and better than anything anyone can say to you, and you've got this. If I can do it, so can you. I've been to darkest places of life, and I'm slowly getting there. So don't give up, and don't listen to the rubbish people reel out. It is extremely painful and angers you immensely when people say inconsiderate things about your health, but understand you are stronger. I know you may be worried about the stigma if you talk about your health, but believe me it's not as bad as you think; there are people out there to support you and it's never as bad as you presume, just look at the support I have had!

You must speak to someone, whether it be your family, teachers, friends, or even me. You will be better off with the support.